I have a few friends and family members who have succumbed to cancer, yet I’ve never been to the National Cancer Centre Singapore (NCCS) before. The NCCS is one of the finalists for this year’s Singapore Service Excellence Medallion Award, and I was invited to visit the Centre and discover for myself how the care for patients is their staff’s top priority. In the picture above, I am reading one of the many ‘thank you’ cards given to staff by their patients. I was also brought on a tour of the premises.

Contrary to popular belief, it is not just patients diagnosed with cancer who go to the NCCS. Dr Terence Tan from NCCS shared with me that some people come here for genetic testing, for instance, so as to get peace of mind if they are at high risk of getting cancer. Early detection and early treatment helps save lives!

NCCS receives about 135,000 patient visits a year and provides purely outpatient service – there are no beds here. If patients have to be hospitalized, they go to SGH next door and the doctors go over to look after them.

The NCCS has the most advanced radiotherapy equipment in this part of the world and while Clinical Quality is important to them, they hold Service Quality close to their heart as well.

I was surprised to note that Patient Relationship Officers greet and welcome patients at the entrances to the clinics. In fact, the NCCS has an in-house service quality program ‘NCCS Cares’ which they developed together with the Disney Institute. The aim is to keep staff happy and satisfy their customers. Thus, their Service Quality mission is to provide the “Best Experience through Compassionate Care”.

Dr Terence Tan shared with me that patients are with the NCCS for life – they do not get discharged, and do still come back even after the end of the treatment cycle. “We have a unique opportunity to develop a long-term relationship with them, and that’s what our staff do.” For instance, patients who require radiotherapy come to the NCCS every day for 7 weeks, and develop a bond with the people who help treat them.

I also had the privilege of speaking with a Senior Staff Nurse, Audrey Quek, whose animated gestures and infectious bright smile, along with cheery chuckles, clearly helps lighten the atmosphere in any room. Audrey has 35 years of nursing experience!

My photographer pal, Max Clyne, sent me a hilarious caption for the photo below:

Nurse: “I know Kungfu ok”

Grace: “I note it down”

Audrey was actually explaining to me about how doctors can sometimes get too taxed with the patient load (there is an increase in the number of new patients year on year) so nurses help spend time with the patients, befriend them, share about surgical procedures, let the patient know what to expect in the operation, and also how to cope with the pain after, etc.

The aim, she says, is to help the patient feel relieved and assured of getting good service and anything else they may need during the course of their treatment, e.g. financial assistance or counselling. There is also a Cancer Helpline they can call.

[Me, Audrey and Dr Tan]

The NCCS sends the top 3 or 4 staff each year to Disneyland to see a world-class service organization at work, so they can come back and infect the rest, according to Dr Tan. Audrey was one of the winners of the annual trips.

She shared…

“I asked myself why is everyone so happy there? I compared the two different clientele. Disneyland is for pleasure; people go there to enjoy themselves. Patients here hope somebody can help them in all aspects – finance, mental and emotional support, and hope that they can get comfort and assurance. The principle is the same – find out what is the client’s objective.”

~ Chemotherapy Unit ~

There I met another two of NCCS’s staff: Chia Chor Hoon and Simon Chen.

Chor Hoon shared with me that the place can get quite cold sometimes so the staff will offer patients some warm water and blankets – “We cannot take away the pain, but we can give them some comfort and reassure them that we will take good care of them.”

Simon, who has worked in NCCS since 2010 shared…

Our mood can influence our patients’ mood. Why not make a difference in their lives by suggesting ways they can cope with the disease, how they can lift themselves up? Bring in their family members to encourage them e.g. by sharing about the positive things in their prognosis. Whenever I see any signs of good news, e.g. a decline in cancer markers, straightaway I will tell them so they have something to look forward to… A glass can be seen as half-filled or half-empty. Even if the doctor tells you there is only 30% chance of recovering, tell yourself you are 1 of the 30% instead of focusing on ‘oh dear, the odds are against me’.

Simon’s belief is that besides treating patients, staff have to help give them hope too.

~ Radiotherapy Unit ~

At the Radiotherapy unit, I got to meet Yusnita Bte Omar, the Assistant Manager for Education and Training. She has been at NCCS for 19 years! She showed me how they prepare patients for the treatments.

In radiotherapy, patients have to be immobilized, e.g. for treating brain tumors and such. The sheet she is holding has to be warmed up, and quickly placed on the patient’s face, and contoured to the shape of the patient’s head, and made into a “mask”. This is especially tricky when the patient is a child or is claustrophobic. Yusnita says they have to first understand the patient’s fear and demonstrate to them the procedure first – either on other patients who have given their consent, or on one of the medical officers.

Mask-making takes 20 minutes and patients have to wear the mask every day of treatment. Yusnita shared that during training, they have all undergone the mask-making procedure and know that the contouring around the neck region feels like someone is strangling you. This helps them empathize with patients, and they will sometimes hold the patient’s hand, put him/her at ease, and once the mask hardens, cut it open around the eye region so the patient can ‘see’ and feel less afraid.

With kids, they use play therapy. They will wrap a piece of the material around the child’s wrist first, “like a Ben 10 super watch”. They will also print cutouts of the cartoon character and paste them over the “watch”. This process helps the children feel how warm the mask will be, and how it “grabs your skin”. Only as a last resort will general anesthesia be used.

Because they have made what is a usually-scary procedure fun for the children, Yusnita shared that “some run in and say I’m ready. Can I have my mask today?” as it makes them feel like superheroes.

Radiation Treatment Room:

The radiation treatment room has in-room music, and sometimes patients bring in their own music selection too. Each treatment room comes with a ceiling in a special theme – garden, waterfall, sky, etc.

The beautiful ceilings play a role in helping to calm them down. One of their patients was a diver. Before starting her treatment, she went on a holiday then she came and laid down on the treatment bed and made the comment that “oh, I’m still holidaying”. :)

Yusnita shared with me about the importance of Passion in her job – “Know why you are here, who you are working for, keep on track. Burn that passionate flame. It’s important to love what you are doing.”

And because her department is located in the basement of the NCCS, colleagues who work at level 1 and above joke about not knowing they exist. Yusnita shares with a smile:

“There’s no sunshine so we bring along the sunshine with our personality. If not, the place will be cold. We need warm people around.”

Indeed, the staff that I met at NCCS are warm, cheerful and optimistic people. Like Dr Tan shared, “it takes a special kind of nurse to work here”.

Key Takeaway: I found the visit an eye-opening experience. I had expected an atmosphere of ‘doom and gloom’ but what I noticed was an upbeat, cheerful atmosphere. And staff selection is so crucial for organizations handling patient care – you need motivated, friendly, and optimistic people to spread a message of hope among patients who could be feeling very helpless. Thus, the company culture of care and respect among the staff, and the shared mission of delivering the best experience through compassionate care, has resulted in a situation whereby happy staff continue to delight and serve patients every single day.

~ VOTE ~

The Singapore Service Excellence Medallion was launched to honor organisations and individuals who have inspired a transformation in the local service industry and raised the bar in service excellence. This is quantified not by individual heroes, but by the remarkable performance of the people and organisations that are pushing the envelope to create an environment that delivers phenomenal organisational performance, employee and customer satisfaction.

To vote for National Cancer Centre Singapore to win the Singapore Service Excellence Medallion, follow the link below:

www.makingexperiencescount.sg

I get emails regarding product sponsorships very frequently and I usually turn down the dubious-sounding ones. When a guy called Ryan emailed me about a best-selling product that is apparently selling like hotcakes around the world, and which promises to get rid of eye bags and wrinkles, I was intrigued. Then, he dropped a bucket of ice water on my enthusiasm by telling me the product is out-of-stock worldwide. O…K…

When the (new) stock eventually arrived, I asked if I could do a video about it for a new YouTube channel I’m setting up. So if he’s up for the challenge, we’ll test out the product and film the entire process. If the product bombs, sorry too bad, I’ll STILL upload the video and everyone who watches it will know the product does NOT work. However, thankfully for Ryan, and to my utter amazement, it DOES work.

I had my 67-year-old blogging student, Steven from www.retiredowhat.com, be the ‘model’ for this product trial. Because, well, he has a rather severe eye bag issue. But as you can see from the Before-After picture below, the eye bag under his right eye is significantly less puffy after just 2 applications of Instantly Ageless. Most people generally need just 1 application, which takes about 2 minutes.

No Photoshop at all:

And if you need more proof, just watch the video:

And no, Steven reported no side effects from using the cream. *Phew*

To me, this product is like shapewear for the eyes. We usually wear shapewear to defy gravity and tuck in our tummies and all the bits hanging out over waistbands. What Instantly Ageless does is to shrink that puffy eye area, even out the fine lines and wrinkles, and diminish the appearance of eye bags.

Like shapewear, the effect is not permanent. Instantly Ageless lasts for up to 9 hours, after which you’ll require another application or if you’re already home then just have a shower and go to bed. :)

It’s great for everyday use, whether to work or to parties, events, interviews, dates, etc. The possibilities are endless. PLUS you can bring the small vials with you everywhere, even on holidays!

And…

It’s affordable too, or I won’t even bother recommending it if it’s priced out of reach of the average consumer. *Disclaimer: I don’t earn a cent from your purchase of this product, and neither does Steven too. We found that Instantly Ageless works, so I’m just sharing this for your reference.

To find out about the current promotions/discounts, benefits of using Instantly Ageless, testimonials from users, and any other enquiries, head over to this facebook page and PM Ryan:

https://www.facebook.com/resvertrol

I came to know about Siti (Faizah) and Farhan’s inspiring love story and decided to interview them for my blog. When Siti was diagnosed with stage-2 lymphoma, and relatives and close friends doubted their idea of marriage, Farhan disregarded the “noise” and married Siti, sticking with her through thick-and-thin.

Siti has also participated in a half marathon despite feeling weak due to chemotherapy. And she is a finisher!

Siti has since lost 20kg of the weight that she gained while undergoing chemotherapy – she goes for yoga and zumba sessions, and other fitness programmes four days a week.

Farhan has also donated his bone marrow about half a year ago and helped save the life of a patient, who was diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma!

Both of them are such beautiful and courageous individuals… and here’s their story:

1) Both of you got married after Siti’s diagnosis? Why? What’s your love story? :)

Farhan: Yes, it was already planned. Siti was diagnosed in the midst of our wedding preparations and I decided to proceed as I would like to take care of her, not out of sympathy, but purely because she’s my other half and I know she needs me to fight this disease together. And I know for sure that she will fully recover, and whatever happens, I will take care of her. Not because I have to…but because I want to.

Faizah: We met at our previous workplace. We were really close although Farhan had a girlfriend back then. We had common interests and similar taste in music and food. We hung out most of the time after work and even on our off days.

Farhan: I realised that I wasn’t happy with my girlfriend back then. When I was with Faizah, everything was easy with her and everything somehow falls into place perfectly. By then we both know that we like each other. I decided to man up, break up with my ex-girlfriend (who wasn’t a good girlfriend) and be with Faizah. And the rest is history.

2) What is the chemotherapy process like?

Faizah: I had to go through chemotherapy via the intravenous (IV) route. I was told to go through 6 cycles of chemotherapy and 1 cycle consists of 2 sessions. (Imagine going through 12 sessions!). Each session is 5 hours long and I was required to be treated once every 2 weeks. I was injected with 4 different combinations of drugs (2 injected via huge syringes and 2 bags via the drip).

Nurses had to be careful when administering 1 of the drugs from the syringes as it might burn my veins, which actually happened during the first session of my 2nd cycle and it was a horrible feeling. It took a while for the pain to subside and for my veins to recover.

The worst was yet to come.

The side effects kicked in on the 7th day after every session. Each individual who is undergoing chemotherapy will experience different side effects. I was quite lucky, as my side effects were considered quite minor. I had constipation for the first few days, heatiness in the mouth (thankfully, no ulcers!), upper back pain and at the shoulder area (which lasted for about 3-4days), bloatedness (from the anti-vomit meds), indigestion, weight gain and hair loss (not all but probably ¾ of my hair and this was a huge blow for me as I was afraid my hair will not grow in time for the wedding).

3) What would you say to encourage people who have been (recently) diagnosed with lymphoma?

Don’t give up hope. I know it’s easy for me to say it but you have got to keep pressing on and always stay positive. Cancer is not the end. It can be a start to an awesome life. :)

4) What would your advice be to the friends and family members of people who have been (recently) diagnosed with lymphoma?

Make them feel normal and do normal things. Don’t treat them like a sick person and always, always be there when they need you. Accepting the fact that they have cancer is already hard, so don’t make things harder for them and always stay positive no matter what.

5) What was your bone marrow donation process like? Please give us all the gory details, if any, so we can be adequately prepared if we choose to be donors.

Farhan: There is nothing gory about my bone marrow donation process. In fact, you are given two options as to how the bone marrow is extracted.

Method 1: Bone Marrow Harvest

The bone marrow is removed from the back of the pelvic bone using a special needle. The entire process takes 45 to 60 minutes whilst the donor is under general anesthetic (GA). Although there is no surgery involved, after a GA it is recommended that the donor stays overnight to rest in the hospital and goes home the following morning. The amount of bone marrow harvested is less than 5% of the body’s marrow and this is naturally regenerated within 4-6 weeks.

Side Effects:

Other than the remote chance of a reaction to anesthesia or an infection, the risks to bone marrow harvest are minimal. Donors generally feel no pain during the bone marrow harvest as the procedure is carried out under general anesthesia. After the procedure, there may be slight discomfort in the lower back lasting a few days, which is much like a muscle ache or similar to pain felt on the tailbone after a fall.

Method 2: Peripheral Blood Stem Cell Harvest (PBSC)

Peripheral Blood Stem Cells are those blood cells that are usually found in the bone marrow. The donor will be given 4 daily injections of a hormone called G-CSF (Granulocyte-Colony Stimulating Factor) to stimulate the growth of their stem cells and to mobilize them into the blood stream. This is usually done in the morning and the donor can continue their normal daily activities. On the fourth day, the stem cells will be collected in an outpatient procedure that is very similar to blood donation except that it will take between 5-7 hours. Once complete, the donor is usually free to go home.

Side Effects:

Donors might experience some flu-like symptoms, slight bone pain, or a feeling of heaviness during the 5 days when the injections to stimulate and mobilize the stem cells into the blood are being given. These discomforts usually disappear soon after the collection is completed.

I actually opted for Method 1 because it would be faster but the patient wanted me to proceed via Method 2 instead. I was willing to do what’s best for the patient so I didn’t mind.  A few days before the procedure, I was given the daily injections to stimulate my stem cells. And when the day came, all the doctor had to do was to extract the stem cells via the harvesting system. So, the blood goes out from one tube (from your arms) and goes into a machine where the stem cells are extracted.

Once done, the blood goes back via another tube into the other arm. However, due to difficulties in finding the main veins in my arms, the doctor decided to put a tube directly into my jugular vein on my right collarbone. It was weird but I did not feel anything at all, just a little uncomfortable when lying down. No matter what, they will make you feel as comfortable as possible.

I recovered quite fast as the wound was really well taken care of. And some of the perks of being a bone marrow donor is you get free full health check-up and you’ll be staying in an AA ward at Mount Elizabeth Hospital (Novena), which was a first and an interesting experience for me.

~

This courageous and loving couple leaves me speechless. I wish them all the best, and to keep on doing what they do and inspiring the people around them. :)

I was really humbled and honored by this simple gesture: Tun Dr Mahathir held out his hand towards me for a handshake. I’d presented him with my book ‘Blogging For A Living’, and he asked if I made money from blogging. He made us all laugh when he said that he is also a blogger but doesn’t make a cent from his blog. :)

He then went on stage and wowed us all. Here are the top 3 things I learnt from Dr Mahathir:

1) Use Humor Effectively

Tun has a self-deprecating sense of humor, and he pulled off those jokes to great effect. We were cheering and laughing during his speech because he can even talk about political issues and deliver the message across in a humorous way. Of course, there were times when he spoke about other serious issues and we listened respectfully.

2) Social Media As A Knife – Wield It Well

He shared that social media is like a knife which can be used to carve out beautiful things, or it can be used to stab people in the back. It can be good for society or it can make society less ‘liveable’. “Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely”, and social media gives us all “absolute power”, so we need to learn to use it wisely and judiciously.

I cannot say that I have always used social media or whatever (little) clout or influence I have wisely. Sometimes, I see nasty comments made about me, my book, my students, etc, and I take that “passive-aggressive” route and call that person certain unflattering names (but nothing crude, vulgar or excessive) on my social media accounts, knowing that the latter is not among my followers. Still, I was wrong.

3) “I Made A Mistake…”

In answering a question posed to him about Vision 2020, Tun uttered these 4 words which surprised me.

And yes, this is the approach I have taken too, for the unflattering words that I used to describe my ‘hater'; I made a public apology on my blog. And the latter has even requested that I remove the blogpost with that apology, so you won’t see it anymore.

On my part, it’s ‘case closed’. I apologized, and tried to live up to my name – Grace. For whatever mean things that were said about me, do I deserve an apology? I think so. But will I get one? I’m not hopeful.

And finally, yes, it’s incredibly childish to do a post about me after deleting all your own comments about me, and reaching an amicable settlement in court. It is definitely ‘below-the-belt’ to upload such a post AND TAG me on instagram just before I went on stage.

But I have not read the blogpost, and will not read it either. I’ll leave my lawyer pals to do that while I go have teh tarik.

Thank you for the extra blog traffic and followers on social media.

I made sure I took a dump before writing this. So people can accuse me of many things but they cannot say I am being ‘anal-retentive’. ;)

Now, first things first. I have not read that blogpost, but concerned people around me have sent me questions regarding its contents, so I have a vague notion of what’s in that blogpost (and I do believe the writer had the good sense to consult a lawyer before uploading it so it would seem ‘milder’ as compared to blogposts uploaded years ago).

It is true that the doctor wrote down, verbatim, what I told her in the consultation room. And it is also true that while the rest of my affidavit submitted to court was typed out and printed, I had handwritten the ‘poor sleep, headaches, and loose stools’ portion as “symptoms” of my being harassed, and some say, ‘cyber-bullied’.

I knew that anyone who wanted to embarrass, insult, torment, or simply, mock me would pounce on that ‘loose stools’ bit.

And I have been proven right.

Has anyone wondered why I wrote down those symptoms with a pen instead of having it typed out and printed? ;)

So it would be impossible to miss.

*And by the way, I’ve already shared on Facebook and Twitter that if you want to send me toilet paper, I prefer the one with Hello Kitty print on it. Don’t be a ‘cheapo’ ok? :)

~

If you have been bullied in school before, you’ll know this: The bullying doesn’t stop even if you have already shown signs of distress.

For instance, the school bully taunts Little Amy and makes her cry. Does the bullying stop there? More often than not, it doesn’t. “Oh Amy Amy, why are you crying? You’re such a crybaby! Crybaby, crybaby, crybaby!”

In adulthood, what does this translate to?

If you hand over a medical document/report to describe what you are experiencing (because now your bully doesn’t see you crying in the playground), does he/she wave it about like a victory flag? I believe you have the answer.

Come to think of it, who has never experienced ‘loose stools’ before? A more commonly used term is ‘diarrhoea’. I had the pleasure of being hosted for dinner by my Malaysian blogger pal on Wednesday night. The delicious Thai food cooked by a real Thai chef in a restaurant in KL was SO spicy that we all had loose stools by Thursday morning. I can’t say that anyone complained, because the food tasted really good – we just couldn’t stomach the ‘heat’. LOL.

Hands up if you have never had diarrhoea or loose stools before in your entire life! :D

~

Now, I have already shared in an earlier blogpost that I am no saint, I made mistakes previously in calling my hater certain unflattering names, and I have apologized for it, but the person had requested that I remove that blogpost with the public apology. So, what to do?

I have also requested that Wendy remove her blogpost. Email sent last night. Will she do it?

I have never tried to be right all the time. I do only strive to be fair.

Even when I did that blogpost about how even the best bloggers lie, I made sure to state that I felt I also fail to be 100% honest 100% of the time. Because no one is capable of that. Can you be 100% honest all the time? No, so to be fair, I was not targeting any single blogger. I was stating that I, like all other bloggers, have encountered times when companies and agencies have asked us to remove the “advertorial” / “sponsored post” tag, or been asked to write about a product/service using keywords and phrases stated in the press release. In fact, I’ve been requested to sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement recently to state that I cannot reveal details about one agency doing this, i.e. requesting that the blogposts don’t come with disclaimers.

Now, about kids and family members being dragged into blogger spats. I am definitely of the opinion that the innocent people not be brought into these things. And I fully respected the fact that a loving mother would want to celebrate her son’s birthday, and be there with him 100%. So, the day before the birthday, I stated publicly on my blog that I would not do anything to ruin their day if I did not hear from her. But I did hear from her. I received an email with a super-long Letter Of Demand from her lawyer (sent to me on the child’s birthday). It had excessively harsh terms, and even asked me to propose a sum of damages, which they would later want to negotiate too. In short, she wanted to sue me for “Defamation”.

It was not your typical cease-and-desist letter.

So I made the comment on my Instagram post that someone seems to care more about herself than about her child’s birthday. Simply because I had already stated I won’t say anything more about our spat, and that she could send me letters or emails or even make more comments about me on any other day. Why not just be full of love on your child’s birthday? Kids only turn age two ONCE.

Was my offer of an olive branch on a cute kid’s birthday fair? I think so. Would I want her to do such a thing for me if I have a kid and am celebrating his birthday today? Yes, I would.

You and I know that children, especially really young children, are innocent and should not be brought into any blogger spat.

Now, what about the adults at home?

Perhaps this deserves mention: I brought in the subject of her mother not because she had merely, or ‘accidentally’, hit the ‘Like’ button on her daughter’s less-than-kind comments about me. I am of the opinion that if a mother is strongly opposed to other bloggers commenting about her son, that this same mother should also be strongly opposed to her daughter’s caustic remarks about another blogger.

I believe someone old enough should also have the good sense to be fair enough, and not have double standards.

Don’t you think that’s only fair?

In any case, pardon me for not being clear enough in my affidavit about why the mother came into the picture. I am no lawyer, and have never had any legal training, and did not know I need a 37558345982391-word ‘Written Submission’ to go along with it. But now I do. ;) (*You don’t really need so many words but you get the idea. *wink* In any case, just hire a lawyer. Or if you need a template, email me and I might be able to send you one)

*As for the Protection Order (PO) + Lawyer fees, let me just state upfront that it’s no 5-figure sum. I spent approximately S$2,000 all-in, GST and all. If you need proof, email me and I can scan and send you the bills when I get back to Singapore.

If you have been harassed and need to get a protection order, here are some things to note:

1) Furnish proof of a threat of physical harm to you or your loved ones. I avoided naming imaginary stalkers or setting up hate sites just to bolster my case because I respect that whatever I submit in court has to be under oath, and you just don’t mess with such things. If you say someone is stalking you, and claim to have proof, then if he/she later shows proof of being overseas at that time, then well… you are sc***ed. And if you set up a hate site which people later trace back to you as the originator, double whammy.

2) If the Respondent you are taking out a PO against does not have a public identity (i.e. is anonymous) then it gets tricky. But get a lawyer and he/she can help you work around it.

3) If the Respondent does not show up in court, you have a higher chance of getting that PO granted.

Now, my case: My Respondent sent a lawyer to represent her, I did not state that I was being stalked/had death threats made against me/have hate sites about me that constitute a serious harm to my well-being, PLUS my Respondent had removed all her comments made about me a few days before the Pre-Trial Conference. Also, her lawyer was instructed to send me her affidavit and written submission THE DAY BEFORE the PTC, “out of goodwill”.

So the judge and I agreed that there was no longer a need for a PO since my Respondent seemed very agreeable, and even undertook not to make any further comments about me after the PTC. And so I withdrew my application for the PO. Why pay more money and go for mediation, right? Since the judge already said it’s gonna be costly to go all the way and fight for a PO, and my Respondent seems, erm… friendly?

And now… you know what happened next.

The blogpost was uploaded yesterday and my Respondent even tagged me on Instagram (a first!) so that I would be notified that she had blogged about me. RIGHT BEFORE I took to the stage at the Malaysian Social Media Week for my presentation. One can easily check the agenda online and know what time I’ll take to the stage. ;) Tun Dr Mahathir spoke just before I did, and it was definitely a ‘peak in my career as a blogger’. Did my Respondent extend the same courtesy to me, the way I did for her child’s birthday?

It was definitely not ‘gentlemanly’ (or ‘ladylike’, if you want to be anal about gender), and in Singaporean terms, definitely ‘BUAY STEADY‘.

But is Life always fair? Nope. So I’ve learnt.

~

Why the title ‘Slaying The Dragon In Each Of Us’?

Because, to be fair, all of us have a “dragon” within us. As Tun Dr Mahathir shared with us in KL yesterday, social media presents us each with opportunities to have “absolute power” and we are largely free to “irritate” people online.

This is why I have publicly admitted and apologized for using the term “pineapple blogger” (and its variations), after my Facebook follower pointed it out. I believe the term is not vulgar but could still be offending to the party on the receiving end.

I think that’s fair.

Have I received any form of apology, other than what I thought was a sincere undertaking to not make anymore “insulting, threatening or abusive” comments about me after 15th April 2015’s Pre-Trial Conference?

Nope.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I think it’s time we start to use social media responsibly. Also, I do hope for a better blogosphere.

I have learnt so much just these couple of days. And I have to thank my Malaysian blogger pal, Sock Peng, for giving me this opportunity to learn and grow. She is one of the top Mandarin bloggers in Malaysia and she often does things which make me (a Singaporean blogger) slightly puzzled.

1. When I came to Malaysia for a holiday earlier this year, she sent out a couple of emails and helped get me and my fiance sponsored accommodation. She doesn’t get paid to do this. This certainly goes beyond just taking your visitors from overseas out for dinner.

2. An advertiser contacted her regarding advertorials to promote a trendy range of bags, and she asked if I’d be keen to take on the assignment too, so people in Singapore could know about this brand which is famous in Taiwan but doesn’t have stores in Singapore (yet). And yes, I got the deal, and no, she doesn’t get paid to refer me.

3. She was involved in filming for a TV program about local food recently, and she even recommended other bloggers to the producer, and got these bloggers featured on the show too.

The way she helps support other bloggers is something I try to emulate. In fact, I had the pleasure of recommending Sock Peng to the organizers for Malaysia Social Media Week 2015 so she could join me as a fellow Speaker at this amazing event, and share about ‘Mandarin blogs’.

And I am happy to announce that she did a great job too. :)

Likewise, in Singapore, I have had the pleasure of recommending bloggers to advertisers for paid assignments. Bloggers like Alvin, Regina, Kirbie, Steven Lek and Steven Teo, Melvin, Dawn (her surname’s not Yang), Hong Peng, Joey, Rachel, etc., have received paid assignments due to my recommendations.

So I now have an announcement to make:

I no longer want to be a blogger. I want to be an author, a speaker, an anti-bullying activist. I’m not just a blogger.

I have been on both the receiving and giving ends of Bullying. Whether passive-aggressive or not, I have (and I do admit) retaliated in my own way. And if this should happen again, yes, I would urge netizens to call me out on that and say “Hey, this isn’t what an anti-bullying activist does!”

More importantly, I want to support bloggers. Because, to me, you don’t have to be in my ‘clique’ or inner circle before I’d recommend you to an advertiser of mine. If the advertiser wants to engage more bloggers but doesn’t want to take the route of paying a marketing agency for influencers, I’m always happy to link them up with bloggers I trust will do a good job of promoting their product or service.

To conclude this very long blogpost, let me just say that it’s been a great learning experience and I believe everything happens for a reason. If you ever feel like ‘shitting your pants’ in fear because a bully has come after you, you are welcome to chat with me. Honestly, I have been terrified before – ‘poking’ a dragon in the eye (or so that analogy goes) can have disastrous consequences even if you think you have brought enough ‘fire extinguishers’. Who knew what an application for a PO against a not-anonymous top-blogger-awarded-by-the-company-she-has-shares-in would bring about, since it was a first?

What have I learnt? There will always be Bullies, and there will always be Trolls. What matters most is not their attacks on you, but your response to them. Don’t let someone else’s ‘dragon’ awake the ‘dragon’ in you.

Heard about the Cherokee Legend about the ‘good wolf’ and the ‘bad wolf’? Well… I leave you with this:

[From wizdompath.wordpress.com]

One evening, an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, ‘My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all.One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.’

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: ‘Which wolf wins?’

The old Cherokee simply replied, ‘The one you feed.’

~

“Papa, if you smoke too much, you will die, then we cannot be together.”

~

I’ve recently spotted a father smoking at a pedestrian crossing, with one hand holding onto his young daughter’s hand, and the other holding that lit cigarette. I instantly felt disgusted at how he could subject his young child to his second-hand smoke with not a thought for her health. So I have a lot of respect for fathers (and mothers too) who decide to quit smoking because of the young ones at home.

I got to know about daddy blogger Steven Teo via Facebook and mutual friends. And yes, admittedly, I was surprised at the number of children he has. FOUR! And the family lives in a 3-room flat!

I love those wall stickers, by the way :D

[From left: Stacci, Steven, Laifong, Steffi, baby Louie, and Leroy. All pictures in this blogpost are courtesy of Steven Teo from http://theperfectfathersg.blogspot.sg/]

Naturally, I have too many questions for Steven – why four children, how the couple coped with that miscarriage, how they navigate our crowded public transport system as the family doesn’t own a car, the financial burden of raising four children in Singapore, and so much more!

But first, that saying goodbye to cigarettes…

Back in May 2011, his firstborn (Steffi) came up to him just as he was reaching for his cigarette pack and uttered those words: “Papa, if you smoke too much, you will die, then we cannot be together.”

1) You decided to immediately quit smoking because of what your daughter told you that day? 

Well, I did smoke that last pack because I felt it was a waste of money to throw it away. :D

And I’ve always suspected that my wife had taught my daughter to say those words to me. But she has never admitted it.

At that time, I had been smoking for some 12 to 13 years, and Steffi said those words to me just as I was reaching for the cigarettes.

I mean… which smoker doesn’t know smoking is bad? We just have to find the right reason to quit. And usually that reason is not for ourselves. It’s usually for our family.

2) Few people know that before you had this huge family with 4 kids, there was a miscarriage. How did you both, as a couple, pick yourselves up and decide to continue trying for children?

Well, we thought we were still young. I’d gotten married at age 24, and my wife was my poly classmate. And we had already been trying for a while before conceiving. Despite the miscarriage, we thought we would try again.

And we didn’t expect that it would be so fast… my wife conceived Steffi within a year!

3) I’ve also seen a recent Facebook post you did, in which you mentioned that borrowing or lending money to relatives is one sure way of never hearing from them again. What was that about?

I tried to borrow money from a wealthy relative, so I could purchase a bigger flat. Because it’s a resale flat, there’s a high COV (*cash over valuation) amount that I had to fork out in cash. I wanted to borrow 30K to 40K from that rich relative, not as a pure loan, but with collateral I’d put up. I knew I could pay it back.

But that relative did not contact me anymore after I’d broached the idea of a loan.

It worked out well in the end, thankfully, as we dropped the idea of the resale property and applied for a BTO flat, and with a big family, we were accorded priority status.

4) That question you’ve probably been asked a million times: Why FOUR kids? :D

The running joke among friends is that I don’t have a television set at home and so there is nothing to do at night! :D

People are always asking why we have so many kids that I’m used to those questions already.

I think one important factor, besides the love of children, is that we have strong support from my mother-in-law, who is actually our ‘neighbor’ – she lives just two units away on the same level. She loves kids, took great care of our firstborn, and encouraged us to have more children. She has 4 daughters, while my own parents have 4 sons, so you might say this runs in the family.

Baby Louie and that very photogenic Leroy:

We don’t have serious thoughts about number 5 at the moment, but I think it’s still possible! :D

[Grace: Give this couple an award already! Come on! Any award! SG50 Most Inspiring Couple???]

5) Would it be possible for either you or your wife to quit and stay home to take care of the children?

It will definitely take a lot of courage to do so, though it is not impossible. I’ve been toying with the idea, actually. If it happens, we’ll definitely have to “tighten the belt” much more!

6) How does Blogging help relieve some of that financial pressure when you have 4 kids to take care of?

Blogging definitely helps with regard to visits to places of interest. A family of my size will have to spend quite a bit on admission tickets to places such as the Zoo or Universal Studios Singapore. With invites, my kids get to enjoy all of these attractions for free.

Aside from blogging, I’ve also won a number of Facebook contests, such as Friso’s Family Of The Month award, which gave us S$600 in vouchers that we used to buy milk powder with.

Last year, we also had a ‘Name Our Baby Boy’ contest on Facebook because we were at a loss for a name starting with ‘L’ for him. The older boy, Leroy, was named after a cartoon character in that ‘Stitch’ movie and he lives up to his name, being quite naughty. ;)

The youngest one was eventually named Louie, and we think the name suits him because he is cute, and also because it sounds like “lui” which is a hokkien term meaning “money”, and therefore easy for his grandparents to pronounce. :D

7) How do you deal with materialistic demands from children, e.g. wanting a new iPad or iPhone?

I don’t really buy new things for my kids. From Steffi onwards, we have been thrifty and there are a lot of hand-me-downs. For instance, Stacci is wearing clothes that Steffi used to wear.

Through my mother-in-law and through contests, we get many toys. In fact, we have an endless supply of toys as birthday gifts and Christmas presents from family and friends. It has gotten to the point whereby I think the children don’t really treasure these toys, unlike people from our generation – we cherished the toys we had! I think it’s not a very good thing.

I try to inculcate the right values in them, but it’s often a matter of ‘They ask, and they get’ from relatives and friends. They bank on their ‘cuteness’ to ask for the toys they want. It’s kind of scary, actually.

8) I’ve met other bloggers’ kids who can be quite unfriendly and maybe even a tad arrogant. However, your kids are so friendly, happy, and approachable! Why?

We encourage them to interact with our friends, and even with strangers. When Steffi was 18 months old, we sent her to a childcare centre to socialize with other people. We teach them to be polite, courteous to all, and to always put themselves in other people’s shoes – “Will you want your friend to treat you like that?”

And my wife also says that I’m like a big kid! :D We play a lot at home. You’ve probably seen me executing a balancing act with my 4 kids.

And when there were 3:

At the end of the day, each kid is different. Louie gave us a scare with Kawasaki Disease. He had an ongoing fever which didn’t subside even with medication. Only treatment via an IV transfusion of hemoglobin would work. This disease has to be diagnosed early or else there will be heart problems and enlarged arteries. Even though it was diagnosed early, Louie has an enlarged artery and this means he is at risk of coronary problems later in life, such as heart attacks or heart failure.

9) How do you navigate our transport system with FOUR kids?!

It’s always a problem on buses. My twin-seater pram (which can actually seat 3 kids) is allowed on MRT trains. However, open prams are not allowed on buses. So I have to fold the pram and get 3 kids on board.

Most of the time, they will fall asleep during the ride, and this can be ‘sucky’ especially if I’m on my own with them. If you wake them up, they’ll throw tantrums and so I usually end up carrying all 3 of them. Yes, it’s actually possible to carry 3 children all at once.

10) What’s your advice for couples who are inspired by your example, and despite having no kids yet, want to aim for 4 children?

That Nike slogan! :D

My neighborhood friends all have 2 or 3 children. They see us with 4 kids, and how it can work out, and they go ahead and have 2 or even 3. The people you hang out with could help determine your number of offspring. :D

[Grace: Maybe I should stay away from Steven then. Hahaha! But his kids are the most adorable!!!]

And going on group holidays can be described in one word: Terrible.

The last trip to Bali (two years ago), which I organized, was just… MASSIVE. We had a total of 8 families and 13 kids then. Now, there’s an addition of 6 babies!

And at home, yes, with a big family and many kids, the guilt is inevitable. One kid or another will sometimes come up to me and say “It’s been a long time since I went out with you and Mommy alone”. So I try to bring them out on my own too. :)

~

Check out Louie’s face in the picture on the right :D 

~

Through Steven’s sharing, and via his blogposts, I get to appreciate the joys of being in a large(er) family. While I would personally heed the government’s (previous) call to stop at one, I do think Steven and his wife have made the right decision in making more cute babies.

I’ll be the first to admit that it’s largely due to selfish desires that I do not want to have, say, two or more children. It’ll likely turn my life upside down (or right side up, I wouldn’t know). But, like Steven, I do also believe in spending as much time as possible with my kid(s) at home and engaging them in play. We can buy kids all the toys in the world but it’ll never be as good as a parent’s undivided attention during those minutes or hours of play. With the financial burden of a larger family, it is unlikely that I’ll be able to spend more time with my (future) children if I’m constantly thinking about making more money to pay the bills.

And I’m glad that Blogging is able to give Steven’s kids certain opportunities that they might not have had. Admission tickets to some of these places of interest are indeed pricey. And I, too, have been on the receiving end of some lovely invites and freebies because of my status as a blogger. I’ve been to places I’d probably never visit on my own, and done things I’d not attempt previously, such as climbing Mount Kinabalu or going seawalking! :D

And I do think that among the many things Steven has done right as a blogger, what I appreciate most is that he does not ‘pimp’ his children on social media, even though they are super cute. I think it’s morally reprehensible to make your young children your money-making tools and to be proud of it. From his blog and social media accounts, I get to know Steven as Steven, not as the father of that cute kid Leroy or that sweet Stacci. Because I believe even little kids should have their privacy respected and not have pictures or videos of them uploaded multiple times a day, everyday, for all and sundry to view.

And despite being the busy father of 4 children, Steven has also taken some time out to inspire other parents via the Health Promotion Board’s I Quit campaign. I believe his sharing has touched the hearts of many smokers who want to quit smoking but have never quite found the “right reason” to. I’m a Health Ambassador (on a voluntary basis) with the Health Promotion Board, and I’ve always had difficulties explaining to smokers at our roadshows about why and how they should quit smoking, having never been a smoker myself.

If you are a parent and also a smoker looking for a good reason to quit, I do hope you think about what 3-year-old Steffi said…

“Papa, if you smoke too much, you will die, then we cannot be together.”

What you think is a lovely dimple on Ning’s face is actually a scar from surgery when she was only 21 years old, when a cancerous growth had to be cut out of her cheek.

“We shouldn’t fear death, but instead fear the absence of living… I promised myself that whatever I decided to do from that moment on, I was going to make sure it radiated joy and satisfied my soul.” – Ning Cai, in ‘Who Is Magic Babe Ning?’

Who is this seemingly fearless and magical being, and what’s her story?

I got to meet Ning at one of her magic workshops; a prize I’d won from purchasing and reading her book ‘Who Is Magic Babe Ning?’.

Ning’s 2nd book ‘Who Is Magic Babe Ning’, and her autograph :D

I’ve yet to read her first book but the second one is a fantastic read and a “tell-all” as she calls it. Ning has a superb sense of humor (really, read her book!) yet suffers no fools, has dedicated over a decade to her career as an illusionist (16-hour rehearsals everyday before “The Impalement Cage” illusion, yo!) and yet she has hung up her corset and magic boots to be… a yoga teacher???

It is almost unfair that someone who looks so hot is also a really cool author and a awesome blogger – Ning used to blog for STOMP, and she now writes for TODAY. You’ll find a link to her TODAY articles at the end of this post.

So I just had to ask her a couple of questions about her experiences of dating both men and women, her marriage (it’s impossible to find any pictures of her hubby online), what she’ll do henceforth after saying goodbye to death-defying stunts, and why she would pray for her bullies!

~

All pictures in this blogpost are courtesy of Ning Cai, unless otherwise specified :)

~

1) Congratulations on getting married! How’s married life treating you so far?

Thanks Grace! Yes, it’s been really super. I think I totally lucked out because I married my soulmate, who totally gets me and loves me for all that I am. For years I hadn’t had it easy in the relationship department since I’d put my career first and there wasn’t any space or time for anyone, especially with my crazy performing and traveling schedule. I’d also been accused of being a workaholic commitment-phobe in the past, and there may be some truth in it… until I met the One who completed me. Then it all made sense why past relationships just could’t work out before.

I’m blessed with an amazing, albeit super shy, spouse with a very understanding family. My in-laws are amazing. There’s none of that nightmarish stuff you often read about in women magazines. LOL. So yes, I’m very, very happily married!

2) Career plans now that you’ve relinquished the role of Magic Babe Ning?

My parents were actually very relieved that I finally hung up my show boots! They’ve witnessed most of my death-defying escape feats like “The Impalement Cage”, my first major escapology act in 2008, which was endorsed by the Singapore Tourism Board as part of the inaugural Singapore River Festival. It saw me having just 90 seconds to escape death from a cage of falling spikes while I was blindfolded, chained up, shackled and bound, with only a paperclip to pick the locks with!

The last escape act my folks witnessed was during the closing weekend of the Singapore Night Festival in 2013. “Ultimate Inversion” had me hanging upside-down from 75 feet in the air, way above the iconic domed roof of the National Museum of Singapore, from a length of burning rope, strapped up in 2 straitjackets and with no safety net.

[Photo credit: https://thelongnwindingroad.wordpress.com/]

Hanging from just regular inversion boots, the escape act was legitimately dangerous and my parents were totally freaked out (my poor mother almost had a meltdown)… so yep, they are in fact extremely elated that I’m (finally) using my Bachelor’s degree in Communications now that I’m freelancing as a writer for TODAY, working on my new website (NingThing.com launches late June 2015) and writing my third book!

~

Grace: One of the metal chains snapped during the ‘Ultimate Inversion’ – you can find the heart-stopping footage on YouTube, and also read the details in Ning’s book. And that’s not all. Ning had a couple of accidents related to the ‘360 Sawing’ illusion. One time, the box fell with her in it, and her body weight landed on her left hand, injuring it quite badly though no bones were broken. Another time, she landed on her head. I am beginning to suspect that she was born with nine lives. 

~

3) If you could have one special power or real magical ability (no illusions here), what would it be?

The ability to propagate world peace. When people ask me about my religion, I always tell them that it’s Humanity, and Love is my philosophy. I think I’ve mellowed a lot over the ten years I was in showbiz, which initially hardened me. And now I’m at this point in life where I’m more comfortable being just Ning without the mask of Magic Babe, and I completely believe that Peace inspired by Compassion is what we really need in our world today, not religious extremists who ruthlessly spread fear and hate.

4) I loved reading your book and meeting you ‘cos you have such a lovely, positive vibe going on. Where does that positivity come from?

Awwwww, thanks Grace! Many people assumed that because I chose an artist’s path, I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Since you’ve read my book, you know that’s definitely not the case. But I equate my earlier struggles to the classic metamorphosis of a butterfly.

After you’ve been through much like I personally have – dire poverty where you almost couldn’t finish your basic poly education because of the lack of tuition funds, a cancerous growth that leaves a permanent scar on your face at 21, bullying from jealous backstabbing peers, and dealing with your own rage and disappointments – you realise your personal growth flourishes when you overcome these adversities that serve to make you a stronger, better, more resilient human being.

~

“Your personal growth flourishes when you overcome these adversities that serve to make you a stronger, better, more resilient human being.”

~

I try to work on cultivating my spiritual growth too. While spending a month in Thailand for my 200-hour yoga teacher training course last year, I rediscovered meditation and realised how good it is for the soul. Often, people in today’s modern world get way too sucked into the illusion of “life”… but they are merely existing, not really living. When you’re in touch with yourself, connected with the Universe/ God, you develop a higher level of awareness and loving-kindness, pointing to the important realisation that we are all connected and we should try to be that spark of positive energy which, like a lit candle, doesn’t diminish when you share and spread your light.

5) In your own words, you have “fancied both men and women” and dated both. What is the difference between dating a man vs dating a woman? Do women really ‘understand’ women more than men do? Or does it all boil down to that person’s personality / character?

Yes, to me, love is love. It transcends race, religion, skin color, age, weight, height, salary, OCD, you name it… I don’t need everyone to agree with my point of view that you can’t choose who you fall in love with (FYI we’re talking about consenting adults here), but since recorded history, there’s been all kinds of romantic relationships and it was only because of religion that it has been judged quite recently.

I’ve dated some truly awesome people – black men, white men, Asian people – all based on their personalities (okay, sometimes their good looks, I can be a bit shallow that way) and you shouldn’t stereotype. I mean, I’ve had boyfriends who are better at picking out clothes than I am, dated jocks who read books (yes, that is SUCH a turn on) and take care of their skin, also wonderful SNAGs* who cook the most delicious Japanese food for me (sexiest thing ever)… then there are the butch women who have an endearing cutesy side. So it’s really all about the person!

[*SNAG: Sensitive New Age Guy]

I believe people should figure out what they want for themselves and not allow society or oppressive religious leaders to dictate their love lives. Some people are born lefties in a right-handed world. The minorities didn’t choose to be different on purpose (do you know how difficult it is to use scissors?!) but sometimes, it is just so and one should accept it.

Life is an amazing journey. You shouldn’t be forced to use some bossy person’s “official” and “approved” road map. Follow your heart. I know for a fact that it’s the world’s best GPS. ;)

6) What’s your take on plastic surgery purely for cosmetic / vanity reasons, and have you gone under the knife before, apart from surgery due to cancer?

Yep. Back in 2011 just before my 9-month-long backpacking journey around the world, I got my sinuses fixed. It’s not a “nose job” because the shape of my nose never changed, but it definitely helped me breathe better because I was suffering from sleep apnea and would jerk awake in the middle of the night suddenly, when my body realised I hadn’t been breathing and my brain was lacking oxygen! My family was there for me when I did that 1- day surgery, and they knew I’ve had a serious sinus problem since I was a kid.

As for plastic surgery, I honestly think it’s the individual’s choice really. I’d personally not want to change the face my parents gave me, because I see them when I look into the mirror. But I do believe that every child born with a cleft lip should go for surgery now since it’s more readily available. It would truly help their self esteem, besides gaining a much better chance of getting the job they want when they’re older! Same goes for burn victims. I know of people who have gone for various implants (calf implants for guys, butt implants for the ladies) and they felt a lot more confident about themselves after. I really think that it’s none of my business, so I don’t judge. I’m just happy that they’re happy with the new “improved” versions of themselves.

7) Have you ever won the lottery? :D

You’re asking this because of my successful Singapore Pools 4D prediction in 2009, aren’t you?! OMG, after JC and I accomplished the never-done-before stunt in Singapore, we had not only locals calling us for lottery numbers, but people from China and Nigeria constantly hounding us to help them win money! No kidding. These crazy punters just could not accept the fact that it was all a psychological illusion.

Aside from that particular 4D ticket that was purchased (we decided on the number together but it was JC who physically went to buy it), I’ve never gambled. Not even when I’m in Vegas! It’s my pet peeve really. I can’t respect a man who has a gambling issue because it’s a sad mental illness when they can’t stop themselves and turn illogically superstitious and needlessly abusive towards their family.

Sometimes it’s so senseless! In 2012 when I was based in Genting Highlands for a month, performing my illusion shows every night, I’d see people being wheeled out of the casino so often, it was not funny. I think that’s why the hotel windows are all sealed shut, so nobody can do anything silly. Sometimes these people are strapped down and screaming because they had squandered away their entire fortune at the tables. The saddest time was when over a late supper with the cast, we all witnessed an old lady being carried out on the stretcher, with an oxygen mask over her frail, lifeless face. I hope she didn’t lose her life savings. Gambling is just one of those things that one shouldn’t get started on.

8) You’ve written about your encounters with bullies in school and at work. How, specifically, do you deal with peer jealousy, people who dislike you for no reason other than your apparent success? Has yoga and meditation changed your perspective towards these bullies and antagonistic people?

When I was in primary school, a particular classmate who disliked me for some reason was trying to “steal” my best friend and she even used a pin to stab multiple holes all over my kite (I’d always been more inclined towards the arts and had spent an afternoon fashioning a large owl kite, which our form teacher complimented in class, and it was prominently placed on our wall-length noticeboard at the back of the classroom along with everyone else’s). I’d noticed her relentlessly stabbing holes into my artwork so I got up from my chair to approach her. The girl was so absorbed in destroying my kite that it was only when I cleared my throat politely, that she jumped up and walked away without an apology. She later tried to frame me when a classmate lost something, but I was proven innocent when the teacher searched everyone’s belongings. But I prayed for her. I wasn’t sure exactly why she had so much aggression and angst, especially when she came from a wealthy family with equestrian lessons every weekend and she seemed to have everything – a pretty face, deep dimples on both cheeks, a perpetual healthy tan, the newest pretty things, expensive stationery, the works.

I decided not to let anger consume me, and simply allow karma to fix things. Sometimes that’s just the best way. Defend yourself when you have to, but don’t allow yourself to get mad because the anger would only destroy you from the inside. Let things be and have faith that the Universe/ God will handle it. And meanwhile, try to cultivate patience. It’s not easy, I’m still working on that every day!

~

Read Ning’s articles on TODAY here: http://www.todayonline.com/authors/ning-cai

Look out for her new website NingThing.com (to be launched in late-June 2015) :)

~

I’ve definitely learnt a thing or two from Ning via this interview. Yes, especially that bit about praying for one’s haters – it sounds more difficult than escaping from ‘The Impalement Cage’ but that’s what I, and a lot of other people, have to learn, I suppose.

And if you’re wondering about how I select bloggers to be featured in this series, well, let’s just say you cannot pay to get featured here. It’s my way of supporting the blogger community by featuring those individuals I find highly inspiring. And the way Ning juggles her portfolio of passions is just amazing – from becoming a high achiever in the world of magic to leaving at the peak of her career, leaving Singapore and going backpacking for 9 months, to pursuing her love for writing by authoring books and crafting commentaries.

I guess that’s the way life should be.

It’s not about studying hard in school, getting an iron-ricebowl-job, sticking in said job till retirement, and wondering where all those years have gone.

Yes, Ning has definitely kept her promise to herself – the one made after that cancer scare: to do what radiated joy and satisfied her soul.

Food for thought: Is what you are doing today causing you to radiate joy and does it satisfy your soul? :) If it doesn’t, then what should you be doing instead?

There are many reasons why I love this relatively new online shopping platform, GoBuyLah.sg, but the main reason I love it is because of the free shipping offered. Yes, there is no minimum purchase required! It’s true. It’s the reason why I go back to this site again and again.

And you’ll probably find something you need on this platform too as there are many categories: Beauty & Health, Mom & Kids, Food & Beverage, Hobbies & Gifts, Home & Living, IT & Electronics, Fashion, Hot Deals. There is definitely something for everyone.

Here are the Top 5 Reasons Why You’ll Love GoBuyLah :D

1) FREE DELIVERY FOR ALL ORDERS

GoBuyLah delivers 6 days a week, with the exception of Sundays and Public Holidays.

And it sells some items which are available on other sites too, but those other sites often have delivery charges and minimum purchase amounts. For instance, I love the chips from Nature’s Glory but I need to make a minimum purchase of S$50 and top up S$15 for delivery.

However, I can purchase some of these Nature’s Glory items on GoBuyLah and get them delivered for free, with no minimum purchase required. :D

2) 50% OFF Over 180 Items For NTUC Members

There are so many items to choose from, and all are going at 50% discount – bird’s nest, toiletries, greeting cards, jewellery, phone cases, electronics and even spa treatments!

 3) The Staggering VARIETY Of Items On This Platform

Under the FASHION category, you’ll find socks, jewellery and even gowns!

IT & Electronics: Speakers, Shavers, Laptop Bags, Headsets, etc

Home & Living: everything from rice cookers to garment steamers and electronic digital safes

Hobbies & Gifts: greeting cards, bluetooth headsets, Singapore Mint souvenirs, jewellery, watches, etc

Food & Beverages: Biscuits, Coffee, Tea, Kaya, Ice cream, and everything in-between!

Mom & Kids: Possibly everything a mom or baby will need

4) The Best Deals Available Online

There are many great deals available on GoBuyLah and here’s one of them. The very popular Original Source shower gels are available individually, or in this value-for-money set! Of course, I’ve gotten this set, and my review of these shower gels is coming up next in another blogpost. The usual price for each bottle is S$6.50 but you can get this set of 6 for just S$32.50 on GoBuyLah. And remember – there’s no delivery charge!

5) The Option To Pay Cash On Delivery

I don’t know about you but I love it when sites offer me a Cash-On-Delivery option. I don’t have to fret about paying for something online, but end up waiting anxiously for delivery.

With GoBuyLah, you can also select your preferred date and delivery time slot.

SO, what are you waiting for? :)

http://www.gobuylah.sg/

*Remember to sign up as a GoBuyLah member, and you’ll receive a S$5 reward which can be redeemed when you make a purchase of S$50 and above. Also, key in this code ‘Grace05′ to get an additional S$5 off!

~ Father’s Day Promotion ~

WIN a Coffee Machine for your Dad! Simply take part in the giveaway happening over at GoBuyLah’s facebook page – CLICK HERE :)

This spat could have been settled amicably. But Xiaxue ignored my email sent on 23 April 9.46pm and also failed to show up in Court for mediation on 26 May 9.30am. You’ve read her loose stools side of the story. Now, here’s mine.

I don’t need a year to collect evidence, and I took less than a week to put this together. Hence, I call it ‘The Small Xiaxue And Nuffnang Bloggers Exposé’ as opposed to The Big Gushcloud Exposé. ;)

Because this is still the longest blogpost I’ve ever written, packed full of the PROOF that people have DEMANDED of me (including that of a top blogger who STOLE toilet paper #faithinhumanitylost), I have divided the blogpost into these 15 parts/categories so you can pick whichever ones you want to read, or read them all if you will:

General Overview:

#1: Why I Want To Respond To The ‘Loose Stools’ Blogpost & How XX Lied Under Oath

#2: How XX Harassed / Bullied Me

#3: Am I Bipolar Like She Claims?

#4: Why My “Offensive” Post Is “Still” Online

#5: That Lee Kum Kee Video And Why I’m Upset

#6: Why I Shared SMRT Ltd Feedback’s Posts Seemingly Despite A PO

#7: Plagiarism

#8: The “Top Blogger” Title

#9: Why The Need For A PO

#10: My Supposed Rude Emails to XX’s Lawyer

#11: Why I Emailed The Ministers

#12: My Version Of A Nuffnang Blogger Exposé – Ad Masking and Smearing

#13: Why I Said Her Hair Color Is Blue In My Police Report

#14: Why I Mentioned The Loose Stools

#15: WHO IS GRACE TAN? AND WHY DID XIAXUE STEAL TOILET PAPER? OMG!!!

#1: Why do you want to respond to Xiaxue’s ‘I caused Grace Tan to have LOOSE STOOLS’ blogpost? Xiaxue has already said she’s not gonna talk about you anymore!

The short answer is this: Can you slap someone, and then say you won’t slap the person again, so he/she shouldn’t get angry at you, and mustn’t retaliate?

It doesn’t work that way.

She has done her best to humiliate me with that blogpost, ignored my email to her to remove the blogpost and its accompanying social media mentions, and aggravated the hurt and distress by promoting the post even more:

On Instagram (*Note: SMRT Ltd Feedback cannot “vandalize” her child’s photo, but she has no problem vandalizing mine) – She is definitely not a hypocrite. 

Facebook:

Twitter – tweet once not enough; must tweet twice:

My email to her, and her lawyer, on 23rd April, regarding removal of the above went ignored:

Ignored My Email & Proceeded With Aggravation: “Oh and don’t forget to read the latest blog entry!”

(Facebook)

(Instagram)

The even shorter answer is this: I do not trust her.

On 13 April, under oath, she swore that what is in this affidavit is true:

On 13th April, in the affidavit, she wrote in BOLD FONT SOME MORE (scared the judge cannot see these words) “If she (Grace) had asked for me to remove whatever content she was displeased with, I would have done so”. Well, on 23rd April (just 10 days later), I emailed her regarding removal of her ‘Loose Stools’ blogpost and she ignored me, telling people once again to read the blogpost. She is definitely NOT a liar.

13th April: “I have no intention to make any further comments on the Applicant”

(CAN SAY THIS UNDER OATH SOME MORE! I SALUTE YOU!!) By 23rd April, buay tahan and did a FULL blogpost about “the Applicant”. #WinLiaoLor #Don’tCallYouLiarAlsoDifficult

In Conclusion, reiterate SOME MORE: “have no intentions of making any sort of offending communication (as defined by the POHA) on the Applicant henceforth”.

Wow. What sort of absolute bullsh*t did I just read?

**Did someone LIE under oath? UH-OH!!! Hard to get out of this one. Better faster call lawyer ah!**

Our settlement terms on 15 April 2015:

(Dear XX, wanna screenshot, screenshot the whole thing lah. Don’t cherry-pick, please.)

Since she has undertaken not to make anymore “insulting, abusive and threatening communication” about me, how do you explain this?!

And what about me? Have I made any insulting, abusive or threatening communication about her after the PTC and settlement?

Honestly, no, I haven’t. It was more than a gentleman’s agreement, it was an undertaking before a JUDGE: I said and shared things about her that were not kind (I’d removed the pineapple blogger posts, and whatever smrt-related content she disliked), and since she has undertaken not to make any insulting, abusive or threatening communication about me, I could FOCUS on preparing for my presentations at the Malaysia Social Media Week (21st to 24th April).

In fact, when my followers commented about her, on unrelated posts that I had shared, I reserved a “no comments” stance:

19 April – before XX uploaded her ‘Loose Stools’ blogpost

21 April – before XX uploaded her ‘Loose Stools’ blogpost

24 April – after XX had uploaded her ‘Loose Stools’ blogpost:

I even deleted my supporter’s comment because it might be seen as insulting and abusive towards Wendy. And I told the person to refrain from doing so again.

Now, in all fairness, tell me… am I wrong to say she has bullied me? 

#2: How exactly has Xiaxue harassed you? How did she ever bully you? (Before the Loose Stools blogpost)

First, know that the Protection from Harassment Act is to protect individuals from “words, communication or behavior (in both the online and physical world) that intentionally caused harassment, alarm or distress, causes fear or provocation of violence”, and a few other things.

What Wendy wrote about me on the facebook thread which originated from Walter Lim’s facebook post include, but are not limited to:

“I suggest you see a psychiatrist about being bipolar”

“You can also talk to the psychiatrist about you(sic) delusions of grandeur, thinking you are even mildly qualified to conduct blogging workshops or pen a blogging book when you are a nobody”

“you are an absolute psycho attention-seeking cunt”

“I look forward to seeing my post on your blog as your eyes shine brightly while you salivate”

“Is your book completely copied too?”

“you are bipolar. See a doctor”

“I will see you in court”

“raving like a madwoman”

“Yes I’m saying you are ugly”

“And yes I’m threatening you with a motherfucking lawsuit if you repost that SMRT exposé”

“tell people (all 4 of them who read your pathetic blog)” [*Editor’s note: Eh hello… if only 4 people read my blog, does it matter what exposé I repost?]

“you are clearly a little kee siao”

“You can put this episode on that embarrassing sidebar on your blog with all your mediocre achievements”

[ Just some of the “wonderful” things Xiaxue said about me ]

Why didn’t I reveal all these earlier? Well, I HAD stated that I was going to sue her for defamation right after the PO. So how can I perpetuate those defamatory statements by sharing about them on my blog? I could only share the evidence AFTER I’d brought my suit against her or if I’d decided to drop it. Like, now.

And I did decide to drop the defamation suit. WHY?

1) Interestingly enough, she claims that by MY saying she defamed me, I have also defamed her. So I received a 7-page letter of demand from her lawyer on 31 March. Bear in mind that I’d sent her the court documents for my PO on 30 March and the Pre-trial Conference was slated for 15 April. Want to sue me also can wait till after I will (supposedly) fail to get the PO, right? Since your lawyer said your case is “very strong”, so kancheong for what?

And only her lawyer and my lawyer were there. Hello?

Do I want to continue with my defamation suit when she also thinks she should sue for defamation? This could last forever! And every cent I earn will go to my lawyer in the meantime. They collect upfront payment, you know?

2) I realized I couldn’t reason with someone who wanted to protect her ‘face’ (面子) at all costs. I mean… a simple apology – “Grace, I’m sorry I called you bipolar, a psycho attention-seeking cunt, ugly, kee siao, etc. Those remarks were unkind, untrue and unnecessary. I will not do it again.” End of story.

Instead, she was adamant about taking things all the way… to where, though?

I made a public apology on my blog immediately after one person on facebook pointed out that calling someone a “pineapple blogger” (and its variations) is mean, and can be seen as “bullying” too. So I did apologize. And because Xiaxue requested for the blogpost to be removed, let me say I’m sorry again here ok?

[Start of apology] Wendy, I am sorry I called you a pineapple blogger (and its variations) multiple times. It may not be vulgar, but it may still be hurtful. I wouldn’t want to be called a pineapple blogger myself. So I apologize, and will not call you that ever again. [End of apology]

There really is NO need to make lawyers richer by handing them the hard-earned money we earn from blogging. At least that’s how I see things.

#3: Why do you sometimes say positive things about Xiaxue, and at other times, negative ones? Are you bipolar, like Wendy says you are?

Firstly, I’d like to maintain that I am NOT bipolar. And Wendy has no proof from any doctor that I have any sort of mental illness.

Secondly, and most importantly, I changed my attitude towards her after I realized she called me a “bitch”, a “nobody” and an “idiot”. The date is 30TH DECEMBER 2014.

Is THIS using her private, PERSONAL account, like she tells you? ;)

When a couple gets a divorce, is it because one party has become bipolar? At first vowing that “till death do us part” and later citing “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for splitting? Bipolar is it? If one female blogger french kisses another female blogger (and gets it recorded on video) because they are such good friends, and then they later decide not to be friends anymore, and become almost sworn enemies, is one of them bipolar too?

No! That’s stupid!

People’s attitudes toward others and things CHANGE. If I like you today, and you piss me off tomorrow, it DOES NOT mean I will continue liking you ok?

#4: Why did you keep one “offensive” post online?

In all honesty, cross my heart and hope to die, it was truly an honest mistake. After I’d received that Letter Of Demand from her lawyer on 31st March, I’d already clicked on “Hide from timeline” on that facebook post about my suing her, because I had to let my lawyers check if it IS indeed defamatory. To avoid aggravating the matter when she had already sent me a letter of demand, I quickly hit on “Hide from timeline” first.

And I can even demonstrate to you what happened. Take this facebook post about my Business Class airticket:

If I decide to click on ‘Hide from timeline’ now, it will disappear from my timeline:

BUT… if you click on the ‘PHOTOS’ tab at the top, you’ll still be able to locate the post:

Herein lies my mistake: NOT checking the PHOTOS tab before the deadline was up. I had scrolled through my timeline again and again to ensure none of the posts which Wendy felt were offensive were still around. I thought I had deleted them all. But alas, I missed out one! After deleting ENTIRE blogposts, does Wendy really think I would begrudge her one facebook post? Seriously? My mistake was in not checking thoroughly, and not having emailed her before the deadline was up to have her check if I’d left out anything, for I would definitely have deleted them. (And I only agreed to delete those blogposts because she swore under oath to stop making insulting remarks about me. And if there’s anything on my blog or facebook page that she disliked, I’m happy to remove them regardless of whether I think they are actually insulting or offensive.)

#5:What is it about the Lee Kum Kee video that you are upset about?

I thought I’ve already blogged about it. Why ask me again? Oh right, Xiaxue had me remove the blogpost about how I think even the best bloggers can lie.

But first things first… Xiaxue now claims that she had no idea I was a blogger when she met me for the filming of the cooking video. Wow.

From the ‘Loose Stools’ blogpost:

Watch the cooking video on her facebook page then:

https://www.facebook.com/Xiaxue.sg/videos/10152896819872431/

I shall transcribe:

Dr Leslie Tay: “Hey everyone! Welcome to the Lee Kum Kee 3 + 1 cooking video. So what we are gonna do today is we are gonna cook 3 dishes 1 soup in 30 mins. And to help me, I’ve got Wendy from xiaxue.sg, and Grace from Working With Grace.”

Xiaxue: “And most importantly of all we have Dr Leslie Tay here, famous food blogger from ieatishootipost… (blah blah blah)”

Hey Wendy, come on… you KNEW I’m a blogger. You even asked me why I looked so familiar (maybe you’d read my book? Haha!). And Dr Leslie Tay introduced us too. I’d interviewed him for my blog, remember???

Ok nevermind. Maybe you forgot, or you just didn’t bother to watch the video that Lee Kum Kee paid you to be in, and just put it on facebook and called it an “intense cook-off”. It was neither “intense” nor a “cook-off”. If anything, it was a cooking lesson taught by Dr Tay to us.

Perhaps someone skilled in the culinary arts (like Dr Tay) CAN pull off the ‘3 dishes 1 soup’ with his exact recipes within 30 minutes. With us as hindrances, like you already discovered, we DID NOT complete the 3 dishes and 1 soup “in just 30 minutes” like you wrote.

And people who purchase sauces in convenience packs are not exactly the chef type, right? I’d like to see you, Wendy, pull off this ‘3 dishes 1 soup’ menu that Dr Tay came up with in 30 minutes, with no video ‘cuts’ or editing. Perhaps a new Guide to Life video idea?

What I’m upset about? That Wendy thinks only other bloggers lie. Come on, we’ve all at least told one white lie before right? Even if it’s not an outright malicious one??!! And Wendy, the PROOF you want is in this blogpost, so read on till the end. ;)

And REALLY, you GOTTA watch the video you were paid to be in and tasked to share about:

“What video, can link?” #ThatSponsoredOneLah #aiyoh #EvenYourFansKnowBetter !!!

#6: How can you share SMRT Ltd Feedback’s “defamatory” posts or blog about SMRT Ltd Feedback’s content when Xiaxue has taken out a Protection Order against them?!

This one is very easy to answer.

Xiaxue announced on her blog on 6th Feb 2015 that she had been granted a Protection Order against SMRT Ltd Feedback. The SIXTH OF FEBRUARY. 6th Day Of The 2nd Month Of The Year!!!

Before 6th Feb, NOTHING that SMRT Ltd Feedback posted or shared had been deemed defamatory by the Courts.

So people were free to share. Seriously. Just go and check out all the posts that Xiaxue says I am guilty of sharing because it violates the terms of the PO – all shared before 6th Feb!

And to be fair, this one wasn’t even about her. I was sharing with my followers that SMRT Ltd Feedback forgot about Data Register. But you know… someone’s obsessed with thinking people are obsessed about her:

*** [ Before PO ] ***

*** [ Before PO] ***

*** [ Before PO ] ***

*** [ *yawn* Before PO ] ***

And, guys, by the way… you need to check these recent updates:

And what the Australian Financial Review quoted Boss Ming as having said:

#WINLIAOLOR Was SMRT lying? Was I wrong to share SMRT’s post? ;)

ALSO, CAN YOU FIND SOMETHING I SHARED AFTER THE SMRT PO? WHAT I SHARED BEFORE YOU GOT THE PO **DOES NOT** VIOLATE THE PO TERMS (IF ANY) BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT EVEN BEEN GRANTED THE PO THEN!

I can’t believe I’m being made to explain this to a “Mensa genius”. LOL. I’m not even one myself.

#7: Why did you plagiarize Shu Yin’s dayre post and put it wholesale on your blog?

Firstly, if Shu Yin is offended by it, I’m sorry.

Secondly, I did credit and link back to her dayre account, right at the top of my “plagiarized” blogpost.

Since the post is gone, I have nothing to show you. But here’s another post which some may say I also “plagiarized”. In all honesty, I was just sharing the good stuff with my readers, and I also linked back to the original post right at the top:

https://workingwithgrace.wordpress.com/2014/08/26/what-the-drownproofing-test-teaches-our-naval-divers/

#8: Why do you say Xiaxue’s title of “Asia Pacific’s top blogger” is “self-proclaimed”?

Bad choice of words. I should not have used “self-proclaimed”. Sorry. I should have said “awarded by a company she has shares in” (which is the truth). And for all you people who have ever taken part in a lucky draw, you know that if you want to take part, there are terms such as how you must not be an employee or a family member of an employee of the company organizing the giveaway, right? What about taking part in blog awards given out by a company you are a shareholder in? Do you think there is a conflict of interest if you take part as a shareholder???

ALSO, the Asia Pacific region is HUGE! Who dares to say he/she is the top blogger in this entire region?! There’s China, India, Indonesia, Malaysia, USA, Korea, among a whole list of other countries:

I think as bloggers, we should exercise some humility.

#9: Why Do You Need A PO? You Are Not 100% Innocent Yourself! That’s Why You FAILED To Get A PO!

Well, the main reason is because Wendy tends to go overboard with her comments sometimes. And her reach and influence is far greater than mine. Sure, I called her a pineapple blogger. Apologized.

I can tolerate being called a Bitch because honestly-speaking, which woman has not bitched about another person before? But don’t hit below-the-belt. THAT I cannot tolerate.

YOU will want a PO as well, if you received all these vulgarities, insults and untruths hurled at you:

“I suggest you see a psychiatrist about being bipolar”

“You can also talk to the psychiatrist about you(sic) delusions of grandeur, thinking you are even mildly qualified to conduct blogging workshops or pen a blogging book when you are a nobody”

“you are an absolute psycho attention-seeking cunt”

“I look forward to seeing my post on your blog as your eyes shine brightly while you salivate”

“Is your book completely copied too?”

“you are bipolar. See a doctor”

“I will see you in court”

“raving like a madwoman”

“Yes I’m saying you are ugly”

“And yes I’m threatening you with a motherfucking lawsuit if you repost that SMRT exposé”

“tell people (all 4 of them who read your pathetic blog)”

“you are clearly a little kee siao”

“You can put this episode on that embarrassing sidebar on your blog with all your mediocre achievements”

At the Malaysia Social Media Week, while Tun Dr Mahathir was speaking, I realized that Wendy had tagged me on Instagram with a picture of mine that she had vandalized. Apparently, I had been tagged because she wanted me to know that she had blogged about me.

It was definitely uncool, and hitting below-the-belt. Thankfully, I did not read the blogpost, kept my wits about me, and delivered well on stage.

Before the Malaysia Social Media Week:

15th April 2015: Pre-Trial Conference (PTC) – I had been advised to stay at home and get some rest, instead of getting ‘grilled’ by a lawyer in court as I had no legal training before. So I did. We were both represented by our lawyers.

I was eager to reach a settlement during the PTC because I would be flying off to KL on 21st April 2015 for the Malaysia Social Media Week.

I’ve already shared this earlier:

My Respondent sent a lawyer to represent her, I did not state that I was being stalked/had death threats made against me/have hate sites about me that constitute a serious harm to my well-being, PLUS my Respondent had removed all her comments made about me a few days before the Pre-Trial Conference. Also, her lawyer was instructed to send me her affidavit and written submission THE DAY BEFORE the PTC, “out of goodwill”.

So the judge and I agreed that there was no longer a need for a PO since my Respondent seemed very agreeable, and even undertook not to make any further comments about me after the PTC. And so I withdrew my application for the PO. Why pay more money and go for mediation, right? Since the judge already said it’s gonna be costly to go all the way and fight for a PO, and my Respondent seems, erm… friendly?

Realized too late that she’s not at all friendly.

#10: WHY WERE YOU RUDE TO WENDY CHENG’S LAWYER?

Wendy wrote in her ‘Loose Stools’ blogpost that I was rude to her lawyer (friend) –

Sorry, I don’t think I was rude. If you are referring to Fong Wei Li’s email to me on 20th April, and my response, well, here are the subject titles of the emails and you can tell me if I was being rude:

His “Lunch Tomorrow” and My “(Rejecting) Lunch tomorrow with Fong Wei Li”

On 20th April 2015, 6:24pm, I received an email from Fong Wei Li with the subject title “Lunch tomorrow”.

My heart nearly stopped beating. Why is HER lawyer asking me out for lunch??? I’ve never even had a coffee with my lawyers, as it was always business only in their office.

I responded to his email and cc-ed his bosses, and turned down his lunch invitation (which he later said was sent out by error, but whatever yah?). He was upset that I had cc-ed his bosses and emailed me to say this:

“Note that, by having circulated the contents of your last email to third parties (notwithstanding such third parties being members of my firm), you have opened yourself up to being the subject of possible legal action, should I decide to bring a case against you.”

WAH LAU!

Email cc-ed to his bosses, I can also get sued? :(

So I dare not show you screenshots of his (or my) emails. You can ask Fong Wei Li for them if you want. Or if Xiaxue publishes them, it means I have permission to share our email thread.

And this brings me to that question which some have been asking:

“WHY EMAIL THE MINISTER OF LAW AND OTHER MINISTERS AH? WANT TO WASTE THEIR TIME IS IT?”

I felt the ‘PO’ system, as it stands, can be easily abused. And perhaps, the notion of a “Protection Order” is not being accorded the respect it deserves…

From the ‘Loose Stools’ blogpost: “But friendship wasn’t the reason I chose him…”

On March 22nd, Xiaxue made some very mind-boggling statements on Fong Wei Li’s Facebook profile picture. [Before he threatens to sue me again, let me just say that the pictures are ‘public’ on Facebook, and you don’t even have to be Fong Wei Li’s friend to view the pictures, and the comments.]

See? I didn’t ‘Add’ him as ‘Friend’ ah:

Fong with what looks like a very long… stick:

If you don’t know the meaning of the word “appendage”, it usually refers to protruding body parts, such as legs, or erm… sexual organs.

I definitely blushed a little reading about the “appendage” but that’s not the point. I was upset that this term ‘PO’ was used so flippantly,so readily, so daringly. I was also shocked by the way a lawyer would threaten (even jokingly, perhaps?) to “harass” a client/friend with “it” (which is presumably the “appendage”). I mean… Wendy said she chose him because he is “well versed in the Harassment Act”. Wait, is the legal “Harassment Act” as in POHA that I’m thinking of the same one she (or her lawyer) is talking about? Haiyah. I am SO confused now. :(

I wrote to the Law Minister regarding the POHA and how it can be easily abused / not accorded the respect it deserves.

WHY DID YOU POKE FUN AT WENDY’S NAME AND SAY THAT NUFFNANG’S BLOGGERS MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES AS GUSHCLOUD’S?!

[From Xiaxue’s Blog]

1) Cos Xiaxue wrote “Dear Grace, or lack thereof” – This is why I wrote:

I didn’t even state “Yan Yan” and actually… no one figured it out. #cheapthrill But, you know, just pointing out that we both have names which can be easily made fun of. So why do it to each other?

2) And Xiaxue also wrote “… you better have proof when you say shit like “NN’s young bloggers make the same mistakes.” Where did you see NN bloggers participate in smear campaigns? So some of them mask ads. They are exposed thoroughly by Gushcloud, why do I have to lift a finger?”

Ahh… be careful what you wish for… :)

#1: Is this AD MASKING OR NOT? You decide!

On February 9th, I noticed that a Nuffnang Blogger, @mongabong, had posted about a Nivea product on Instagram:

I responded to her IG post and asked her why she took that drastic step of “shaving everyday since (she) was a little girl”. Little girls have armpit hair meh? She responded with some comment I cannot recall anymore, and then she deleted my IG comment. I swear I wasn’t rude or anything. I took a screenshot and did the post on my own facebook page you see above.

And it seems that most people agree with me that “little girls” don’t really have armpit hair that needs shaving off “everyday” lah.

I had commented on mongabong’s post when it had 155 likes. She deleted my comment. The post now has 761 likes:

And no comments…

But, I mean, aiyah she forgot to label it as “sponsored” or “ad” just once mah. Maybe she really has a bad memory?

Then she did a second post:

Ok, so… is this a masked ad?

And how do I ensure this mongabong is INDEED a Nuffnang blogger?

Ask Google:

Wah! I’m not the #1 Most Honest Blogger in Singapore lah, but I don’t try to trick people like that:

Anyway, Mong Chin is likely 22 this year, and is from Nuffnang.. So yah… I have proof that “NN’s young bloggers make the same mistakes”. I was not lying or trying to antagonize Xiaxue when I commented on Walter Lim’s FB post.

I JUST DID NOT WANT to do a Big Nuffnang Exposé blogpost! WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO FOR ME? Let her learn on her own lah… eventually. But now, to clear my name… Sorry ah. People want proof, I give them proof.

#2: What about this next example – Is it a Smear Campaign?

This one is even more interesting because Xiaxue can claim she does not know mongabong since Nuffnang has so many influencers. But what about another bong? Namely, bongqiuqiu, her bestie?

http://bongqiuqiu.blogspot.sg/2011/08/ad-warning-check-where-your-fresh-milk.html

In an advertorial for Marigold, Bongqiuqiu picked on Meiji, Greenfields and Magnolia:

She even went to the extent of doing a ‘survey’ among friends first to get their opinions about the origins of Meiji, Greenfields and Magnolia milk.

After stating that Magnolia milk is labeled “product of Singapore”, she points out that the origins of the milk is “confidential” and that she noted “Singapore does not have a milk farming industry apart from niche goat farms in Lim Chu Kang.” So, she’s saying the company is not aboveboard???

She also wrote that Greenfields has “the MOST misleading carton info for fresh milk”, and that Indonesian cow farming results in the “cheapest” brand of fresh milk. OUCH for Greenfields!

Meanwhile, of course, the brand she is advertising for (Marigold) is a gift from heaven:

Something about “fresh air, sunshine, and green pastures“

Bongqiuqiu: “The best is never the cheapest for consumable products! The best states BIG AND CLEAR, confident and proud of where their products is(sic) from”

Yah… but Greenfields DID state BIG AND CLEAR leh:

“fresh milk from DAIRY COWS IMPORTED FROM AUSTRALIA” is right at the top!

Do you want Greenfields to state that it’s “100% Australian-Indonesian fresh milk” because the cows have ‘migrated’ to Indonesia, and the milk they produce should adequately reflect their current location?!!!

Haiyah. Anyway, does this constitute smearing?

Hilariously, ACCORDING TO XIAXUE, YES, IT DOES:

Something about breaching the Singapore Code of Advertising Practice !!!

“11. Non-denigration

11.1 Advertisements should not unfairly attack or discredit other products, organisations or professions directly or by implication.”

Perhaps Greenfields has a business model which keeps costs low, keeps milk fresh, keeps cows happy and healthy, and streamlines their operations so they can offer the BEST and LOWEST price to consumers? How can Bongqiuqiu say that Greenfields doesn’t give us the best (fresh) milk and that “The best is never the cheapest for consumable products!” ??? Did she send the milk samples for lab testing to check for contamination, nutrient levels, etc?

So… will Magnolia, Greenfields and Meiji go after Bongqiuqiu? She does have over 257K Instagram followers, 39.3K Twitter followers, and 25K Facebook followers. What she blogs about does have a significant reach.

And yes, I think I have given Xiaxue my answer to her questions of:

“… you better have proof when you say shit like “NN’s young bloggers make the same mistakes.” Where did you see NN bloggers participate in smear campaigns? So some of them mask ads. They are exposed thoroughly by Gushcloud, why do I have to lift a finger?”

Having met and spoken with people who know Althea and Vincent from Gushcloud, I can safely say they are terrible at trying to get anyone or any company “thoroughly exposed“. Which is why I blogged about how your “exposé” blogposts have “finesse”. Even if I dislike a person, I can be FAIR about giving credit where it is due. Also, even if everyone calls a person “plastic” for having had plastic surgery done, I am still capable of being FAIR and pointing out that while the good looks are artificial, the person STILL looks good.

~

“SO, GRACE, WHY DIDN’T YOU EXPOSE THEM EARLIER?! WHY MAKE SNIDE REMARKS BY THE SIDELINES?!”

~

It is not in my interest or nature to do so! I have been following QiuQiu on Instagram and I am very impressed whenever she posts about looking auntie-like at home (because I look like that too) and that picture of her with super-messy hair and looking tired after the birth of her child was a gem – She’s such a genuine person that it’s hard not to like her. As for Mong Chin, I think she’s just very young lah (like Eunice Annabel) and all of us made mistakes when we were very young, and even when we get older.

SO PLEASE, after reading this post, DO NOT IN ANY WAY HARASS THESE TWO LADIES.

I just want Xiaxue to know that one should not laugh at other people’s “loose stools” symptoms if one has experienced diarrhoea before. Similarly, one should not point out the filth in a neighbor’s toilet bowl, till one has cleaned up the sh*t in one’s own loo.

Is this fair?

I think so. I don’t try to be right all the time. I just try to be fair.

QN: WHY DID YOU STATE IN THE POLICE REPORT THAT HER HAIR IS BLUE? ARE YOU COLOR BLIND?

There is a very simple reason for this. I’ve already said that she has “rapidly-changing hair color” and she happily did a GIF for it. It’s due to the limited options available on the e-police report website. I was looking for “purple” but the closest I got was “blue”: [*And please note that an e-report does not require you to head down to a police station. It’s just e-filing and you can print out a report for recording purposes, that’s all. No waste of police resources or taxpayers’ money.]

According to SPF, a suspect can only have either black, blonde, blue, brown, grey, red or white hair:

And I’m quite sure there’s blue in there somewhere:

#colorblindmyfoot

WHY DID YOU MENTION THE LOOSE STOOLS?

Because I knew that someone who is not my bully would never take advantage of my health condition to ridicule me.

And she did…

I wrote it down with a pen instead of typing it out like in the rest of my affidavit submissions because it would STAND OUT. :)

Yes, so I blamed one day of diarrhoea on Xiaxue. It could have been due to the food I ate that day OR due to anxiety-related diarrhoea caused by her stress-inducing attacks via FB:

I was under a lot of stress because Xiaxue decided that I was bipolar and kept harping on the fictitious mental illness she came up with for me.

And yes, diarrhoea can be embarrassing but WHO HAS NEVER HAD DIARRHOEA BEFORE? All you losers who keep asking about my loose stools and sending images of toilet paper, oh gee, I hope you guys never have a day of diarrhoea in your life, or never run out of toilet paper when you desperately need it ‘cos you know, there’s a toilet paper thief among us. ;)

I don’t mind sharing about an embarrassing condition which affects some people when they are under intense stress, and at least I am not an embarrassment who ridicules others by picking on their weak spots. I have never made fun of her actual height after I found out the figure and included it in my e-police report (she hid that part in her blogpost ‘cos she doesn’t want you to know) or her plastic surgery experiences either (no “plasticzilla” references from me, though Dawn Yang has been called that by you-know-who, because I don’t think anyone should be called that).

The difference between XX and me? I know where to draw the line.

She, however, on top of showing my medical report to the world, has also stolen pictures of me off my blog and Migme account, and used them in her shitty blogpost. I think it reeks of hypocrisy when someone can accuse SMRT Ltd Feedback of vandalising her child’s photo and apply for a PO against them, and then steal my photo and vandalise it to an even greater extent:

Is it now OK to steal photos off people’s blogs and use them without permission? 

If so… here are some of our top blogger, courtesy of Guru Gossiper (credit: http://gurugossiper.com/viewtopic.php?f=152&t=16113&start=925)

Yes yes, I would look SO ugly standing next to you, Xiaxue. I will go to Korea and repent, ok?

XIAXUE: “WHO IS GRACE TAN?”

No Mensa genius for sure. And quite an opportunist too! If people want to send me toilet paper to ‘help’ me with my loose stools issue, I unashamedly ask them to send me Hello Kitty ones. Opportunistic mah. Why? Cannot?

Then I don’t have to steal pink toilet paper.

What the hell?! YOU MUST BE KIDDING ME?! ASIA-PAC TOP BLOGGER HAS TO STEAL TOILET PAPER?! 

NO, SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?! NO MONEY TO BUY TOILET PAPER? HOW COME?

OMG… DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE KNOWN AS A TOILET PAPER THIEF?

#laughdieme

Oh wait… shit. Better not laugh too hard. Scarly get bowel movements again. And for sure she will not lend me some toilet paper… because SHE USES A LOT OF IT:

#HousewarmingGuestsUseStolenToiletPaper #TopBloggerUsesCheapoToiletPaper #TopBloggerUsesALotOfToiletPaper #AlsoHasLooseStools ?

Moral of the story: Don’t use so many toilet paper images in your blogpost about me, and think you are a freaking genius (oho so hilarious). Spamming virtual toilet paper while stealing real ones and depriving other toilet users of toilet paper is just plain MEAN.

So, who is Grace Tan? WHO CARES?! The people who love me, do. The people who don’t? YAWN.

All I’m asking is that you think twice before you send out a nasty message online. I have had my fair share. Here’s just a sampling:

Some lousy fella on Twitter even went to tag the Malaysia Social Media Week organizers in a bid to discredit me because I have, in his opinion, too few Twitter followers. Thankfully, the MSMW team spoke up on my behalf. Eternally grateful, guys! :)

Another fella even went to tag my new friends from Malaysia and harass me and them on Twitter:

To all those haters: Oh no, you’ve all got it wrong. My career is not over. It has only just begun.

#DRAGONSlayer #AlsoCatchesToiletPaperThieves

#SayNoToBullying #AndOtherUselessHashtags

*Photo Credit: Jenna Marbles’ ‘The Face’ picture is from here.

Have you seen kids riding this before?

[Photo from here]

Well, there’s a bigger version for adults!

Thanks to a recommendation by a mommy blogger, Phoebe from BPDGTravels, I got to know about Fliker rentals at Punggol End, specifically at this bike rental shop called “Jomando Adventure & Recreations“.

It is located right next to Giant:

At Punggol End, there are a number of activities for families with kids to enjoy. Besides that row of seafood restaurants, there is a place for horse-riding (click here) and now the dads and moms can also enjoy Fliker rides while their kids cycle.

And because the weather is SO HOT lately, I’d highly recommend you pop by Giant for at least a small bottle of mineral water first. Costs only 40cents, but it will keep you hydrated.

Bike rentals are priced differently from Fliker rentals, so you might want to take note… Fliker rental costs S$10 per hour, but you get an additional hour free if you pay for 2 hours, i.e. S$20 for a total of 3 hours.

Bike rental rates as follows (*Accurate at point of writing) –

And Suzuki car owners get 20% discount – don’t ask me why:

We rented the Fliker for 3 hours yesterday, and got thoroughly sunkissed. XD (Please apply and re-apply sunblock!) The verdict: It’s a lot of fun, and a great lower body workout to help tone your hip, butt and thighs.

How To Ride A Fliker:

Just remember that it’s largely a lower body workout so put one foot onto the fliker and push off with the back foot, as if you are getting onto a skateboard. Once you have that momentum, put the back foot onto the fliker and move your feet together in a gliding motion, left and right.

Ask Uncle Jo (or is it Joe?) at the bike rental store to do a demo for you if you’d like.

And at the end of your Fliker ride, I’d recommend you head upstairs to Wayne’s Chill Out and grab some ice cream and a waffle:

Yesterday’s waffle was a tad too crispy and the passionfruit sorbet was really sour. Pink grapefruit was nice though. Because business was really good during the Public Holiday yesterday, they’d run out of my usual favs: Chocolate and Mango.

Address for both:

3 Punggol Point Road, The Punggol Settlement

Opening Hours and Contact Details for Jomando can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/JomandoAdventureNRecreation/timeline

Starting from today, Haruhonpo bags will be available in Takashimaya for two weeks! This brand (Haruhonpo or 小晴天本舖) is very popular in Taiwan, and has found fans in many other parts of the world too! Available in adult and kids sizes, the range of backpacks and handbags are well-loved not just because of their candy-colored tones. The fabric is imported from Japan, the material is water-resistant, and if I have to describe the bags in one word, it’ll be “SQUISHY”! :D

This baby pink backpack is my fav. It comes with additional pouches for everything from cosmetics to stationery in the same irresistible hue:

I do also own the backpack in a leopard print design.

Meanwhile, the hand bag range easily doubles up as a stylish diaper bag for mothers, with compartments on all sides.

Look out for the ‘extras’ within the bags. The handbag range comes with an insulated water bottle holder, a large pouch and also a (detachable) sling for the bag!

Priced from NT1580 (S$69) on their website, these bags are selling like hotcakes. So make sure you pop by Takashimaya any time within these 2 weeks to check out the range. The Haruhonpo booth can be found at Level 4 (I’ve been told it’s beside the escalators). I’m not sure if the prices will be the same as those listed online, so I’ll have to check out their booth at Takashimaya too! :)

If you’d like to have a look at the designs available online (it might not be the full range), you can head to:

http://www.haruhonpo.com/

Thanks to fellow blogger Mummy Rei, I came to know about the My Beauty Diary sale going on at Guardian stores. I like the My Beauty Diary range of face masks because they are very affordable (I find the new range a tad pricey though) and most importantly, they work. I used to apply two masks daily till I got lazy. And in Singapore, you have to be careful about where you purchase these masks from. The official distributor, Alphico Marketing, stocks these masks at Guardian, Watsons and SASA stores. If you find the masks elsewhere, they are likely parallel imports… or fakes.

And yes, there are fake My Beauty Diary masks. I found some in China previously. Each box was going for about S$4 when the usual price is about S$14.90! And the packaging is exactly the same. You’re unlikely to notice the difference – everything is the same, from the font to the feel of the packaging, to the masks themselves. The only difference I managed to spot was a very small one: that little perforation at the top (which helps you tear the packet open) was in a different shape! (@_@)

As for the current sale, the My Beauty Diary x AIKO FUKAWA range (with the cute cat and rabbit illustrations on the box) are going for S$8.45 per box. I think that’s a discount of 50%! You’ll find 12 masks in each box, which means each mask costs just 70 cents! The taller ‘Prettier Day by Day’ sets are even cheaper – at S$5 per box of 12 (i.e. 42 cents per piece).

These sets are in extremely limited quantities, so count yourself lucky if you find one. Some of the masks (sold individually) are going at 2 for S$2. I bought the Black Pearl and Vanilla Moisturizing Aroma ones.

My favorite will, however, still be the Hyaluronic Acid ones. :)

*If you’re into beauty- or kid-related lobangs, do follow blogger Mummy Rei on Instagram (@reinni) or via her blog – Mummy Rei.

I tend to spend less money in the months leading up to the Great Singapore Sale (GSS) because (1) I know better deals are coming up and (2) I need to save up for those good deals that I want to grab! Are you like that too? *wink* When I was less savvy about shopping, I’d just buy what I fancied without wondering if there’s a sale coming up soon. And I learnt my lesson the hard way when MANGO literally ‘flipped’ a price tag around during the sale season. The dress I had paid S$95 for actually retailed at S$59 during the GSS barely a month after I’d bought it! :(

And there really is no better time to shop than during the GSS. And if you’d like to beat the crowd by shopping online, I’ve found 5 deals that you might enjoy too. They are from this site called Cuponation. All their GSS deals can be found here: Cuponation Singapore

This site is interesting because you can find great deals for big brands like Zalora, Lazada, Food Panda, etc. There’s even Groupon here! And it’s not what you think…

1) 20% Off on up to 3 local Groupon Deals

Groupon deals are already great money-savers. And now you can get an additional 20% discount? Wow. If you’d like to get the coupon code for this deal or any of the others, click on the Cuponation Singapore link above.

2) 35% + 5% off Helen accessories at Rakuten

Helen’s having a buy-2-get-1-free promotion at their brick-and-mortar stores, if I remember correctly. Sometimes I’d rather just have an outright discount for an item I’d like to buy, instead of having to pick out 2 more items to complete the purchase. ;)

3) Extra 30% off women’s bags on Zalora

4) Extra 20% off Zalora purchases

Zalora currently has a Everything-At-S$15 Sale section. That’s where you’ll find me tonight. LOL. I might be able to get an additional 20% off with this coupon too! *fingers crossed* :D

5) $10 off all Lazada orders *no minimum cart value!*

Shop smart this GSS season! And if you find any great deals you’d like to share, do drop me a note, and I might just credit you (and your awesomeness) in my next blogpost! :)

Pic credit: taxisingapore.com]

Have you ever wondered why there are so many taxis on the road, and yet, when you desperately need a cab (when it’s raining, or when you are almost late for an appointment), there are absolutely no cabs in sight?

Have you ever felt frustrated when a seemingly empty cab just zooms past you without stopping? Or when the driver just makes some weird hand signal at you supposedly because he wants to convey the message that he needs to go elsewhere or for some other reason cannot stop his vehicle and let you board?

I thought I might be able to find some answers yesterday, as I was going to meet many taxi drivers in one place. But… by just observing, and by letting the cabbies do much of the talking, I got to know more about this profession. :)

You might already know this, if you read my blog regularly: In my free time, I volunteer with the Health Promotion Board as a Health Ambassador. And yesterday, by 8.30am, I was at Comfort Delgro’s workshop in Sin Ming Drive, where the drivers send their vehicles for servicing and repairs. My duties? To direct cabbies to the Health Screening area and also to provide them with information about the CHAS program if they’re keen.

I’ve long suspected that taxi drivers might be at higher risk of certain diseases because their job is a tough one – driving long hours, staying in a seated position, having to hold their pee when they don’t have access to a toilet while ferrying a passenger, stress brought on by unfavorable traffic conditions, etc.

What I observed, however, was that many taxi drivers experience eye fatigue and some of them have blood pressures outside of the normal range. One female driver even shared with me her concerns about liver and kidney issues that might come about due to her long working hours (before she managed to find a relief driver) and how she’s worried about getting diabetes. Also, being the sole hirer means she doesn’t get very much rest, and there’s no time to exercise too. Her relief driver thus comes almost as a lifesaver.

And I also noticed that some cabbies walk with a limp, but we won’t be able to tell as passengers.

So the next time a taxi goes past without stopping for you, perhaps it’s because the driver just did not spot you. And if he did, and makes weird hand signals, he might just need to visit the restroom (and how does one communicate via hand signs that one needs to pee?) so don’t get too upset. Despite being in an air-conditioned “environment” all day, the job of a cabby is a tough one.

If you know of a taxi driver who works for Comfort Delgro, share with him/her about the free health screening at the Sin Ming workshop – it’s available from 8.30am to 11.30am (Mondays to Fridays) and they should also fast for about 8 hours before doing the blood test. :) Likewise, if eligible for CHAS (e.g. per capita household income is S$1800 and below), they should also be encouraged to apply for a CHAS card for subsidies at CHAS GP and Dental clinics islandwide. More information here: https://www.chas.sg/

And if you ever meet a grouchy cab driver, know that you have the power to make his day (and your day) brighter; just wish him a great day ahead and share your best smile. :D Try it!

Cindy and I are from the same business networking group, and I dare say I’ve never met a coach quite like her. She’s a dating and relationship coach, life coach and business coach rolled into one and she dishes out advice which might seem unconventional at first, but then ends up making a lot of sense. For instance, she and her husband have no qualms sharing with each other and laughing about their past relationships, as they take each (failed) relationship as a point of reference for improvement, instead of the start of reminiscence. This runs contrary to what many relationship coaches say about past relationships being a “taboo topic”.

Cindy is also a huge fan of giraffes and has a Giraffe Room at home. Interestingly, the BTO flat she now resides in with her husband is the one which he had applied for together with his ex-girlfriend. Instead of feeling uncomfortable, Cindy is happy that she did not have to wait, like every other couple who applies for a BTO flat, for the keys. They did the name change in the application, and voila, she has skipped to the head of the queue. :)

Cindy and her first book:

A cozy corner in the Giraffe Room:

Cindy says she likes the giraffe because it is “cheerful, chirpy, friendly”, and I’d say that somewhat describes her too. Having said that, know that she is a coach who will give you her no-holds-barred take on what you need to get done, and I get the impression she’ll give you the ass-kicking required to accomplish your goals too. *wink*

And here are my 5 questions for Cindy:

1) Is there really a Mr / Ms Right out there for everyone, or do we just learn to accept people as they are?

You have to first be the right one to attract the right one. Usually people go to a dating agency and state their demands. But if you are a level-2 chap and you want a level-10 girl, that’s impossible! Even if a level-10 girl is attracted to you, it’s likely for the wrong reasons.

What are these levels? They are from a socially agreed-upon kind of ‘scale’. In Psychology, we call this “Mate Value”. If you date someone with a lower mate value, you feel lousy about the relationship, and you don’t feel like bringing the person out with you.

It transcends beauty/looks as it’s also about the person’s character. (Check out this article: http://repository.cmu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1173&context=hsshonors)

For instance, if I believe my mate value is at least a 7, I won’t settle for a guy with a mate value of 1, who doesn’t work, has bad grooming, and is procrastinating all the time. Having said that, if you are a 10, and you happen to see the potential in a 7 or 8, then you might still take the chance. If a guy is generally a nice person, caring, and responsible, at about 5 or 6, but just does not have good grooming, you might still give it a go. When I first met my husband, he was just a 4 (to be very honest). Then when I got to know him better as a friend, his character is what attracts me, so that brings him to a 5 or 6. But the outward bit was still lacking. I suggested a revamp and he was open to the challenge. My point here is, it is important that he decides to make the change(s) out of his own will and motivation.

If a man is doing a revamp (or any change) just for you, he has just won himself the bullets to arm-twist you in the future. He may do it halfheartedly then when it backfires, he may blame you for how it doesn’t work. Most importantly, never go into a relationship or marriage expecting the other person to change.

2) What are the differences you’ve noticed between coaching men vs. coaching women?

Men are generally more defensive while women are more willing to spend and invest in their lives. I have to be brutally honest with the men, and give them the truth in an in-their-face manner. Most are not open to grooming sessions so I have to say something like “You tell me you are 32 years old. Can I be honest with you? You look like you are 38.” Yes, you have to just ‘give it to them’ in a straightforward manner. Only then will they wake up their ideas.

3) You conduct so many different workshops. Which is your favorite one?

The Enneagram workshop, because whatever the issue, we have to work on fixing what is internal first. For instance, a guy may be well-groomed and sweet to people but not “authentic” and doesn’t know what he wants so he still ends up in the wrong relationship. Many have to learn to be authentic.

And what is being authentic? I’ve met a lot of nice guys who are just nice but don’t portray the right image. They may be a 6 or 7 inside but portray a 2 on the outside. Others may just be 2s but portray themselves as 10s – that is simply lying and putting up a cover.

4) You’ve interviewed so many couples for your book ‘SuffeRing or ConqueRing – Happy Marriages in Singapore’. What’s the most important ingredient for a happy marriage, and do you also do marriage counselling?

It still boils down to communication and relationship management. Sometimes, problems are due to external factors such as a friend, job, boss, or mother-in-law. Communication and openness is key. For example, when the wife says “Your mom has been doing this…”, the husband should not ‘judge’ her or be offended (“Hey that’s my mom”). Instead, he can say something like “I’m sorry to know you are thinking this way. How can we solve this issue together?”

It’s important that no one’s views are discredited. Don’t demean or discredit your spouse as that usually leads to a marriage breaking down. Problems in marriages are usually caused by personality problems, and that’s where Enneagram can help.

I once helped a couple experiencing problems even after 10 years of marriage. The woman is a go-getter and the husband is the “chillax, ‎take it easy” kind. The wife often has a lot of expectations of the husband and he finds it hard to match up to her standards. She tends to get frustrated and the husband usually returns home late as a form of avoidance from possible conflicts. They were growing further and further apart. After 2 sessions of Enneagram coaching, they began to see the root of the problem. Both parties started to focus on each other’s strengths, and learnt about ways to affirm each other and work effectively as a team. The wife learnt not to impose her working styles on the husband but to use the lingo that motivates him. Their ‘near break-up’ marriage was restored.

Enneagram is about being versatile, operating in the other person’s ‘language’ and methods. And awareness of the various “types” is always the first step.

Sometimes people need help with their past baggages and require inner healing. They also have to clarify their life goals, learn how to be assertive about their view points, and fix their life before they go dating. I call this ‘Responsible Dating’. :)

5) You organize a very interesting dating event called ‘Dating In The Dark’ in which singles meet at a restaurant and dine in the dark. Any interesting stories to share?

The feedback is usually very good. There are no shocks due to the prior screening which I do. I ensure their grooming is ok, and I handpick the people who attend. I will also meet those I don’t know first, and check if they can hold a conversation because it would be extremely awkward if they cannot talk during a date in the dark! Sometimes, I offer tips on what to wear to look presentable that day, so as to make that good impression last once the lights are switched on.

I’ll usually organize events at the more atas (high class) locations, such as the Fullerton Hotel. I do my best to push the envelope and come up with interesting events. Take my Improv Drama workshop, for example, it is one of my customer-centric events. It helps participants to be more artistic and engaging, qualities which Singaporeans tend to lack. Improv Drama offers an easy gateway to be creative and to be in touch with your emotions. Our society is not creative enough – there is definitely room for more creative expression and for people to better demonstrate their feelings.

~

Thanks to Cindy’s recommendation, I’ve taken the Enneagram profiling test which comes with a total of 200 questions. In an upcoming post, I’ll share about the results and what I think of the coaching session with her. I do find her rates for 1-to-1 Coaching very affordable, especially if it helps you “Experience The Metamorphosis” (as in her company’s slogan). If you’re single and ready to mingle, here’s one site* you should check out:

http://www.relationshipstudio.sg/

*There are recordings of the media interviews she has done previously. Listen to those and you may just pick up some very useful tips! :)

If, like me, you enjoyed the movie ‘The Interview’ and learning more about North Korea, you’ll like this book too. Before reading this book, I’d wondered what “production” the title was referring to. I now understand it to be “North Korea: A Kim Jong-Il Production”, i.e. what is presented to North Koreans and to the world is essentially what its leader(s) wants it to be, just a representation of an idea and not reality.

Author Benjamin Wallace describes this book as “unputdownable”, which is possibly the highest honor one can give to any book. I am inclined to agree with him, except for the fact that I’ve watched the movie which gave me more laughs. And the power of movies is also the reason why we have this book today…

Apparently, (the late) Kim Jong-Il was fascinated with movies (and especially the foreign ones) and wanting to harness the power of film for propaganda, kidnapped a famous South Korean director (Shin Sang-Ok) and his star actress (Shin’s ex-wife, Choi Eun-Hee) so he could force commission them to make movies to rival Hollywood and inspire the North Korean people too. Note too that North Korea has a history of using kidnapping as a political tool, so these two people are not the only ones who have been abducted.

And here’s an interesting nugget of information – Kim Jong-Il was given a Russian name when he was born: Yurei Ilsenovitch Kim, or in short, Yura (which I have to say sounds pretty cute. LOL) He later combined his mother’s and father’s first names, Jong-Suk and Il-Sung to get ‘Jong-Il’, and this name gave him that ‘legitimacy’ he craved as a ruler.

As for his South Korean abductees, director Shin Sang-Ok definitely got the shorter end of the stick, especially after he tried to escape but failed (read this book for all the heart-stopping action!)

Author Paul Fischer wrote that “For almost two years he (Shin) had lived in brutal, meaningless captivity” – Thrown into a solitary cell, he could not sleep until the guard gave his permission. He had to sit up at attention with his back straight and with his hands on his knees, looking straight ahead with his eyes wide open, and not moving his head and hands. Meals were likely a mixture of corn and beans, sprinkled with rice.

This came to be known as the torture position: Sitting for 16 hours a day looking at the wardens and prison bars. Choi’s description of him when they were reunited indicated the sorry state the once-famous director was in: “he had lost weight, his ankles were swollen and misshapen, his face covered in psoriasis from months spent sitting in a dark cell, and his skin riddled with sores and ringworm scars.”

Because the torture position sounds too horrible for anyone to have lived through, I’m not entirely convinced that Shin survived this daily 16-hour mental and physical torment for over 2 years. Hmm. Read this book and form your own opinion about this. However, author Paul Fischer reiterates at the end of the book that he had done all the fact-checking and corroboration of sources as is humanly possible. So… fact or fiction? You decide.

Other interesting North Korea trivia:

1) The Korean Central Intelligence Agency (KCIA) was famous for its “Korean barbecue” in which a detainee was strung up by his wrists and ankles and hung over a bonfire until he confessed. Confess or be cooked! :D

2) Jong-Il had the use of many cars, his personal bulletproof train which ran on its own exclusive tracks, his own cruise ship, and even had his own ostrich farm!

3) Jong-Il allowed Shin and Choi to experience what they would call “luxury filmmaking”, in which nothing was refused them. When they needed a fan to simulate wind, Jong-Il sent them a helicopter. When they requested fake snow in the middle of spring, Jong-Il flew the entire crew to the top of Mount Paekdu. When they planned a scene with thousands of extras, Jong-Il put at their service the entire military. And when Shin needed special-effects scale models to achieve a shot of an exploding train, Jong-Il ordered an actual, functioning train to be delivered to the set, loaded to the brim with explosives.

4) Where the money came from: drug trade, insurance fraud, trading in nuclear secrets, etc (@_@)

If you’ve always been fascinated by this country because we know so little about it, and whose leaders are often described as being heroic and legendary figures, you’ll really enjoy this 339-page about North Korea’s Kim Jong-Il, a dictator who led a most interesting life. Read the book for the juicy and scandalous details. :D

This hardcover edition retails at S$44.81 (before GST).

I’ve seen the ginormous Original Source ads at Dhoby Ghaut MRT station, and know that these shower gels are very popular among younger folk. And I got this value-for-money set from online shopping platform GoBuyLah. I’ve already used up the Mint & Tea Tree and the Shea Butter & Honey ones. Hence the two bottles in the middle of this picture above are empty. :D The 3rd bottle I’m using is the Lavender one.

I brought the Shea Butter shower gel with me to Japan recently as it was still rather cold when I visited and this shower gel plus my moisturizer helped prevent cold rash on my legs, which I’m usually susceptible to. And I do like the Mint one pretty much, because (believe it or not) it leaves a tingling sensation on your skin after your shower – it’s like what Halls mint candy does to your mouth. LOL.

This set of 6 costs S$32.50 on GoBuyLah.sg (and comes with zero delivery charge – read my blogpost here for an additional discount code) and while I like the cap’s location at the base of the bottle as it means there’s very little wastage and you get (almost) every last drop, the shower gel might leak out of the bottle during delivery or on a flight overseas. For the latter, please be reminded to seal your toiletries in (separate) ziplock bags. GoBuyLah wraps them in bubble wrap so I got mine intact.

What I think Original Source has done really well is their branding. I love the bottles and how they state the quantity of the (main) ingredient in the shower gel e.g. “40 real zingy limes…”, “157 relaxing lavender flowers…”, “7927 tingling real mint leaves” (in each shower gel bottle). It is both intriguing, and helps justify the slightly higher price you pay for this brand of shower gels, which are vegan, come with natural fragrance and are not tested on animals. :) Very clever indeed.

Just as I love Herbal Essences shampoos because they smell so good, I’m really liking this colorful range of shower gels which have natural fragrances and also make me think about what goes into each product. 49 bee miles for one bottle of this Shea Butter and Honey? Very interesting indeed. ;)

When I was told that we were going for an 11-course Japanese dinner at Royal Plaza on Scotts, home to the famous buffet restaurant Carousel, I was skeptical about how the meal for 2 cost only S$48. You see, I’m not the biggest fan of Groupon deals because the low prices can sometimes translate into not-so-good customer service or food quality.

However, Gion did not disappoint. I love the sashimi, the silky smooth chawanmushi (you have gotta try it!) and the chicken katsu which is UNBELIEVABLY tender and juicy! I’m a big fan of Japanese cuisine, and I have to say I’m impressed by Gion Dining. I don’t know what are the usual prices they charge, but the Groupon deals are definitely value-for-money.

The sashimi – YUMZ. And I like how they piped out the wasabi :D

The salad was good (even the dressing!). I liked the potato salad. But the best part has to be the chawanmushi. It looks unassuming but it is so silky smooth, like no chawanmushi I have ever eaten before. Thumbs up!

The sushi was good though I didn’t like the fish as much because there were so many bones!

Prawn tempura – nothing to shout about. However, the chicken katsu is amazeballs! It’s really good! You have to try it! :D

I’m not a fan of cold noodles… so I didn’t eat much of these:

Fruits to end the meal. No ice cream but it is ok.

And that sums up our 11-course meal for two. :) There is a lunch deal too so you can head over to Groupon if you want to purchase the S$9.90 deal.

Just go to Groupon’s website and seach for ‘Gion’. (I’m not sure when this deal’s gonna end)

I also received a Gion Dining ‘Fidelity Card’ after the meal. With the card, I can get 30% discount off set meals and 50% discount off à la carte items. Yup, I’ll be back again soon.

Address:

25 Scotts Road, #02-01

No, I am not referring to the post that I wrote, which is about Xiaxue and other Nuffnang bloggers. I am talking about this one:

https://xiaxueexposed.wordpress.com/2015/06/11/gracetanxiaxue/

If you’re thinking “Oh no, another post about Xiaxue! When is this saga gonna end?!” then I promise you this post is worth your time. It’s an easy read – not as lengthy as the post I put together – and it’s actually quite funny.

And to all you fault-finders, OF COURSE I can share that blogpost. I am also mentioned in it. DUH :P

There is a group – perhaps online vigilantes, perhaps not – which is standing up against cyberbullying. Because they are anonymous, when rabid minions want to attack, they don’t know where to start. The best they can do is say “This blogpost is lame”.

So… a BIG THANK YOU to the blogger behind this xiaxueexposed site, for all the compliments, and for defending me and making me laugh too! :D

[All pictures in this blogpost are from Fairmont Singapore’s website, unless otherwise specified]

“Those who say money cannot buy happiness just don’t know where to spend it?” :D Well, there is some truth there. But I guess what’s most important is to have the good health required to spend that money and enjoy what it brings. This is why I love massages and relaxing facial treatments. It’s ‘me time’ and often, rest time for me as well because I am away from my digital devices and can truly relax.

I have spent a fair bit at Willow Stream Spa – close to S$2K. And no, the Spa did not sponsor my treatments, and neither are they paying me to write this. For the skeptical folks, here are the invoices for each session:

Located at level 6 of Fairmont hotel (next to Raffles City), this is one atas spa. The prices reflect this: a couples’ massage costs S$512.54 after tax. It’s certainly not a small sum but as a special treat for an anniversary celebration, I think it’s worth it. For a good hair spa, I’d recommend J’s Salon at Grand Copthorne Waterfront Hotel. :)

As for Willow Stream Spa’s facial treatments, I would highly recommend their 90-minute Ultimate Caviar Facial (about S$309 after tax) for really clean and glowing skin – this lasts for at least a few days after the facial. :D I believe this is the facial treatment that many beauty editors have been raving about in magazines too.

As for the facilities… There’s usually no one in the relaxation lounge whenever I visit, unlike what’s shown in this picture:

You get to lie down and chill before your therapist comes in to lead you over to the treatment room. The lounge usually has wellness tea and some fruit (green apples?) for guests to enjoy. There’s a lot of exclusivity and privacy. And you don’t usually get to chat with anyone other than your therapist.

If you don’t usually go for spa treatments, you might want to indulge at some point – maybe your birthday or after a long work week. You’ll step out feeling like a million bucks. It’s hard to describe that feeling. :)

And Willow Stream Spa also has other facilities for paying guests and members to enjoy. The hot and cold tubs don’t look exactly like this in the ladies spa area. But it’s where one gets to enjoy the steam room, jacuzzi and shower amenities.

Interestingly enough, I find the water in the hot tub too hot, and that in the cold tub too cold. Haiz. So while other guests happily slide in in their swimwear, I tend to give these tubs a miss. It’s a case of Goldilocks. :D

Above all, what I like best about this Spa is that there is absolutely no selling within the treatment rooms. Unlike other facial places I’ve been to, where the therapists try to sell me a membership package or some ampoule or other, the therapists here do no such thing. Also, they stay in the room 99% of the time, and do not head out to serve other customers during the ‘steaming’ or ‘masking’ process.

And there’s also a GSS promotion going on now. I purchased a massage treatment (90 mins) and got to enjoy a 60-minute Deep Cleansing Facial at just S$39 before tax.

If you’re considering a spa treat for yourself or your loved ones, you might want to contact Willow Stream Spa at +65 6431 5600.

Willow Stream Spa at Level 6 of Fairmont Singapore

80 Bras Basah Road, S(189560)